One morning a few weeks ago, I woke up excited about a podcast episode I would be recording that afternoon with a funny, smart life coach from Atlanta. I had already done my homework—researched her background, prepared questions, cleared my late-afternoon schedule—so I spent the morning writing, setting up my equipment, and doing social media. So far so good.
But by 2 o’clock, about an hour before the meeting, my afternoon took a turn. A friend called with a personal problem. I recorded a trailer and noticed the mic was picking up a strange background noise. Later, I went to retrieve my son from school, thinking I had plenty of time to make the round trip, fix the tech issue, and jump on the call. Uncharacteristically, my son’s class let out almost 15 minutes late. I tried not to drive home like a maniac, then flew up the stairs to my closet-studio.
Let’s just say, things felt off.
When I finally sat at my desk to join Kwavi, my guest on the More Beautiful Podcast, I was out of breath, sweaty, and had a diabolical headache. But I took a few calming breaths, went through a final mic check, and seemed to regain control of the situation. I still wasn’t completely relaxed—I was paranoid that the background noise would return, and that headache still hadn’t gone away—but I popped onto the Zoom and greeted Kwavi. Despite everything, I was able to be in the moment as best I could, and we had a great hour-long conversation.
After we had said our thank-yous and goodbyes, I pressed “end call” and let out a sigh of relief. But when I glanced down at my laptop, I didn’t see the little box that normally appears on the desktop, indicating “Zoom download in process.” My heart stopped for a good three seconds as it dawned on me that I had…
Never. Pressed. Record.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Sorry for the foul language, ladies, especially right before Christmas, but there’s really no better way of conveying my angst in that moment. I probably yelled that word seven or eight more times, then started pacing around the room, muttering to myself: How stupid could I have been to forget to push one friggin’ button?! A toddler could have done it, for God’s sake! This is why I should never have started this podcast, I clearly don’t have what it takes. I’m in way over my head and really, I should just quit now. Why would Kwavi, or anyone else for that matter, put themselves in the hands of an incompetent moron like me?
Wanna know what the real irony was? That what Kwavi and I had just been talking about was self-compassion, self-forgiveness and self-love.
Uh-huh.
We had been discussing how we should all take chances and learn how to bounce back from failure. I had been full of compassion just a few minutes ago, when talking about other women’s mistakes. But now that I had made one of my own, I beat myself up to the point where, if my self-talk could get me arrested for verbal assault, it would have.
The point is, we can’t just preach self-love, we must practice it. Like everybody, we have good days and bad days, on and off times. We all make mistakes: from silly, in-the-grand-scheme-of-things inconsequential ones to massive, life-shattering ones. We are painfully human. If a close friend or your child made an error, would you tell her what an idiot she was? No. You’d ask her what she learned from her mistake, and tell her the experience would make her stronger.
And really, what’s the alternative to failing? To never get out of your comfort zone and try anything new? To never stretch yourself, learn new skills, or pursue a dream? When chasing a big goal or life change, you must be prepared for some bumps along the way. Things may become uncomfortable. Shit is gonna go down, and you will have to deal with it. That’s life.
In this case, dealing with it was emailing Kwavi to tell her I had wasted an hour of her valuable time. But I did. Right away. I apologized profusely, swore that it had never happened before (it hadn’t) and wouldn’t happen again (knock on wood, so far it hasn’t—because you better believe I check that “record” button multiple times now). She was a sweetheart about the whole situation, emailing me back and graciously saying that re-recording would give us another opportunity to connect. Talk about a class act. I’m grateful that she had enough faith in me to redo the episode, which you can listen to here. And you know what, our conversation was even better the second time around.
There’s a part of me that feels relieved that the Zoom debacle happened. During my career, I’ve sat down with hundreds of business leaders, fashion designers, even celebrities. Back in my print-journalism days, I always came over-prepared to an in-person interview, bringing along not only a notebook and pen, but a backup tape recorder (or, later, a phone with voice recording capabilities). Podcasting is a new medium for me, and from day one I had been worried about making a mistake like that. Now that I had, in a way I was relieved. Not because it meant I won’t mess up again—I’m sure I will. But because now I know I can bounce back in the aftermath.
We may be “grown up,” but hopefully we are still learning, striving….and making mistakes. Which is actually nice. The day everything is rote is the day I truly will feel old and redundant. Because then, it means I’m not pushing myself, not growing.
So ask yourself, what mistakes are you gonna go out and make today?
