I’m incredibly excited to kick off the month of February with More Beautiful’s Love Series. For four weeks, I’ll be dropping stories and podcasts focusing on relationships and sex for the over-40 set. There will be something for everyone: those who’ve been partnered up for years or decades, those who are single and loving it, and those dealing with divorce and/or heartbreak and need a little encouragement to get back in the game (or just generate more self-love). We’ll touch on all aspects of relationships—from dating and communication, to sex and intimacy—and dive into some juicy topics.
So far, I’ve chatted with a marriage and long-term relationship adviser, a dating coach, an expert in tantric sex, and a doctor who specializes in midlife sexual health. What do all these pros agree on? That it’s totally possible—even imperative—to experience more joy, pleasure, intimacy and passion during this life phase and beyond. The conversations have been enlightening, and I can’t wait to share them with you throughout the month.
The subjects of marriage and monogamy have resurfaced big-time over the past decade, with experts like anthropologist Helen Fisher addressing the biological drives behind various types of love, and psychotherapist Esther Perel exploring the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and helping couples infuse novelty into their long-term relationships. Still, research shows that the divorce rate for adults ages 50 and older has doubled in the past 25 years, with women in that age group initiating the majority of breakups. It will be interesting to see how the conversation evolves, and how marriage continues to stack up against less-conventional partnerships.
The truth is, all couples face bumps on the road to everlasting happiness. My husband and I certainly have during our 30-plus-year journey together. A psychologist friend once told me that every marriage is a composite of several; that relationships are living things that change and evolve, and if you can grow alongside one another and ride through the rough patches, the union can be rebooted in a different form, hopefully one that’s even stronger than before.
Finding enlightenment at the end of her own marital struggle is what motivated Deanna Bryant (“Rekindle Your Long-term Relationship”) to make it her life’s mission to help couples reconnect. While Deanna doesn’t believe all relationships can and should be saved, she does have great hope for the vast majority of them.
While chatting with her a couple weeks ago, I brought up a snippet from a monologue I once heard in a film (which, during our conversation I couldn’t remember the name of). I looked it up and can now attribute the quote to the 2004 movie Shall We Dance, in which Susan Sarandon’s character offered a defense of marriage as an institution:
“Why is it that people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet. What does any one life mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything: the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things—all of it…[In marriage], you’re saying, ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.’ ”
I will leave you with that, as the coupled among you hopefully head over to The More Beautiful Podcast to check out my conversation with Deanna. For you singles out there, don’t worry, I’m coming for you next.
Source: National Library of Medicine: “The Gray Divorce Revolution: Rising Divorce Among Middle-Aged and Older Adults”
