Just getting some menopause relief—er, wine. Photo courtesy of Netflix.
Diamonds may be a girl’s best friend, but in midlife, that Sub-Zero is looking like an excellent BFF contender.
I recall a scene from an early episode of House of Cards (long before Kevin Spacey was given the boot) in which Claire, the wife of a ruthless politician, heads into the kitchen to retrieve a bottle of wine for her dinner guests. Shortly afterward, a friend walks into the room and finds Claire standing in front of the open fridge, leaning in to absorb the cool air.
A menopausal moment that many women can relate to.
To date, I have not suffered a hot flash. But as a woman deep into perimenopause (the years leading up to menopause), I have experienced hormonal headaches, mood swings, fluctuating periods, and the occasional night sweat where I wake up floating in drenched sheets. But, so far, no need to dive into the fridge.
I am prepared for a hot flash, though, as I’ve witnessed enough women in the midst of one. I once saw a friend, during a winter luncheon in New York, suddenly get up from the table, make a beeline for the door, and linger on the sidewalk without a coat. Another time, at a formal event, the elegantly dressed woman seated next to me grabbed a napkin and began patting her flushed cheeks and décolleté as perspiration streamed down her face.
You can’t make this stuff up.
I’ve been told the worst place to have a hot flash (or any other menopause-related symptom) is at work. I can believe it. At home you’ve got access to major appliances, control of the thermostat, the freedom to don shorts and a tank top if you’re too hot for business attire, and the privacy to sweat it out far away from the gaze of confused coworkers.
How bad can it be to go through this transition in an office environment? For some women, it’s rough, especially when the symptoms aren’t limited to hot flashes and irregular periods. According to the North American Menopause Society (NAMS), there are dozens of additional symptoms including brain fog, trouble sleeping, headaches, low energy, decreased libido, vaginal changes, urinary tract and bladder infections, food cravings, mood swings, joint pain, and dry mouth, hair, eyes and skin.
Good times.
New York Times science writer Melinda Wenner Moyer, who joined me on the More Beautiful Podcast, recently wrote a piece in the Times about menopausal women in the workplace. The article points out that some women experience such debilitating symptoms that they want to quit their jobs or, if possible, work from home (as many have done during the pandemic).
The idea that midlife symptoms can affect our jobs is a loaded one, and during our taboo-breaking conversation, Melinda and I tackle these questions:
- Should women going through menopause be given special accommodations in the workplace? What does a menopause-friendly office even look like?
- How can managers support women experiencing these symptoms, and how can women communicate their needs without feeling vulnerable?
- Why are some women afraid to speak up? Is corporate ageism feeding into this fear? What are the implications of having your manager know you are going through this transition?
- How can women feel better—whether they work in an office or at home?
- Why is menopause still a taboo topic in the U.S., when it’s not in other countries that offer menopause training and coaching?
Melinda Wenner Moyer
For more on hormones, you must listen to “Hormone Therapy 101,” my chat with OB-GYN Dr. Carolyn J. Mannon about Menopausal Hormone Therapy (formally known as Hormone Replacement Therapy). Dr. Mannon breaks down the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause, and tells us what hormone therapy can (and can’t) do to alleviate these annoying symptoms. She also suggests lifestyle tweaks and alternative therapies that can help us feel better.
Every woman has a unique menopause experience. And these often bewildering symptoms can stress and confuse even the most competent and self-assured among us. Add to that the fact that no one wants to feed the stereotype of the moody, haggard “menopausal woman,” which can undermine our power in the workplace.
Bottom line: Everyone must be educated about what’s going on here. Just as we all understand the symptoms and implications of puberty, we need more knowledge about a transformation that half the world’s population will experience.
Listen now to “Struggling With Menopause at Work” with Melinda Wenner Moyer.
Listen now to “HRT 101” with OB-GYN Dr. Carolyn J. Mannon.
Hopefully, I didn’t scare anyone who has yet to enter this life phase, or stir PTSD in those who have passed it. For those of you who are in the midst of it, I feel ya, sister. Just hang in there and stay cool.
