Remember when wearing “mom jeans” was the easiest way to appear old and outdated? Now, apparently, it’s shoving your vibrator in the back of your nightstand drawer or, even worse, not owning a vibrator.
Times, they are changing.
Maybe I’m still scarred from that day in 1982 when I opened my mother’s bureau drawer and discovered an Adam & Eve catalog. It was tucked behind a pile of bank statements and a year’s supply of ballpoint pens. I had no idea if my parents had actually ordered anything, but just the sight of the practically nude couple locked in a passionate, pretzel-twisted embrace on the cover had me fleeing down the hallway to my bedroom, slamming the door, and muttering a prolonged “ewww” to myself. Making the association between one’s parents and the sexual act was, and probably still is, one of the most traumatic rites of passage.
Since then, I’ve had very few experiences with sex-product purveyors. Once, during a girls weekend in L.A. with my sister, we popped into Hustler Hollywood to snicker the rainbow assortment of condoms and rows of sex dolls sculpted to resemble specific porn stars. (We didn’t purchase anything, but we did laugh a lot, then consume one of the best smoothies ever at the adjacent Hustler juice bar.) And once or twice over the years, my husband and I meandered into Good Vibrations, a female-founded sexual-wellness retailer. As to whether an erotic movie or two was purchased, I’ll plead the fifth.
Which is how you know I’m a Gen Xer. A millennial would readily admit to buying a sexy movie (which, by the way, is how Good Vibrations describes adult films on its website). Or a three-volume set of erotic literature. Or a neon-pink vibrator with bunny ears and a rotating head. Or any of the numerous other products that I’m obviously not cool enough to own (but had fun researching in the name of good journalism). Have you ever noticed that every millennial character on TV—from Hillary Duff’s publisher on Younger to all the under-30 creatives on the Bold Type—talks about her vibrator like it’s her best friend? (“Nah, no party for me tonight. I’m just gonna kick back on the couch with Stanley…”)
Let’s just admit it, these younger women are far superior to us when it comes to embracing their need for self pleasure. Millennials may not have invented the vibrator, but they brought it out of the nightstand drawer and into a pretty little basket on top of the nightstand, right next to the water glass and stack of unread books. This generation, which is all about taking charge of their sexual health and fulfillment, sparked the powerful “sexual wellness” movement. They’ve created festivals, trade shows and classes around it, as well as a huge industry dedicated to sexual empowerment.
For more on sexual empowerment, listen to “Be a Goddess in the Bedroom and Boardroom” with tantra coach Dominique D’Vita, as well as “Amazing Sex In Midlife and Beyond” with midlife sex coach Dr. Sonia Wright. Both are part of the More Beautiful Podcast’s Love & Relationships Series.
You better believe brands have taken notice of this surging market. Over the past few years, dozens of mainstream retailers, especially those targeting females 25 to 40, have started selling sex toys and sexual-wellness products both online and in their brick-and-mortar stores. Clothing and accessories companies like Revolve, Asos and Urban Outfitters have added “sexual wellness” categories to their websites, and the clothing brand Free People now has an extensive “Self Love” section that includes vibrators, condoms, arousal serums, lube, sex stones (look it up) and fur oil. (Yes, this is the female-equivalent of beard oil, designed to keep your lady parts soft and scratch-free.)
Bigger retailers, such as department store Nordstrom, are also getting into the act. Nordstrom now carries a small assortment of vibrators and sexual-wellness products online, but you need to do a search to find them. Last month, cosmetics giant Sephora U.S. finally got the memo that its customers wanted some lube along with their face cream and blush, so it introduced an “Intimate Care” section that includes cannabis intimate oil from Flora + Best, as well as vibrators from Dame Products and Maude.
(It’s worth noting that Sephora’s branches throughout Europe already had well-established sexual-wellness departments; as usual, other countries are a step ahead of the U.S., as they have been with the menopause-product sector. It’s also worth noting that lube should be on every menopausal woman’s shopping list, even more so than on a millennial’s; if you have to ask why, you clearly have not yet entered menopause.)
All these brands where millennials are shopping are erasing the stigma that’s long been associated with sex-related products. And with sex itself. And they’ve created a new segment of the $1.5 trillion wellness market that is expected to reach $45 billion by the end of 2026.
So the next time you’re shopping at your favorite retail store, throw a jar of lube and a pocket vibrator in your basket, alongside the socks and shampoo. The millennial at the register won’t mind. She might even ask you if you’ve used the products before, or share her own experiences with them—just like they do at Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods (which may be the next retailers to start selling sex toys). Just smile, ask a few well-placed questions, and she may never, ever suspect you were born before 1980.
