Oh, the irony. As I’m sitting here trying to write this story, I’m coming up short. I can’t pull up a single anecdote or reflection. I feel tired, overwhelmed, unsure of my next move.
I’m, well, stuck.
Call it writer’s block, start-up burnout, or pre-holiday exhaustion. I’m suddenly reminded of the time I was driving through rural New England in a car without four-wheel drive. Attempting to maneuver through a muddy mountainside, I got stuck. Stepping on the accelerator made it worse. My wheels spun, I sank deeper into the sticky terrain, and panic set in. Finally, realizing that I was going nowhere, I just stopped. Got out of the car. Looked around this tranquil spot in the woods and took a few steps. Felt the autumn leaves crunch under my boots. Inhaled the fresh country air and felt my breathing slow down. I didn’t have a name, at the time, for what I was feeling, but I began the process of centering myself.
I’m sure you’ve felt this way at some point in your life. Maybe you weren’t trapped in the mud or suffering from writer’s block, but you were paralyzed in another way. Maybe you felt confined in your job situation, or were grappling with a lifestyle or relationship change—but you just couldn’t move forward.
In this week’s episode of the More Beautiful Podcast, I chat with executive, life and leadership coach Kelly Lynn Adams about how, sometimes, the best thing you can do when you feel immobilized is to walk away for a while. To take a break from that thing you’re struggling to achieve, obtain, figure out or change. To distract yourself with an activity you love, that renews your energy. To just let go and see what happens.
Very often, the thing you’re seeking will come your way—it will find you—when you have loosened your grip on it. When you’re calm, centered and ready to accept what life has to offer is when the best, most unexpected stuff happens.
I know that sounds woo-woo, but it’s been true for me. Have you ever obsessed over a phone call or career opportunity that you want so badly, but doesn’t seem to be coming? Then, after you finally accept that it might not arrive, it suddenly appears—or you get an even better opportunity? It happens with the bigger stuff too. Just last week I was feeling overwhelmed trying to juggle a million “start up” things at once, and was beating myself up because I hadn’t heard back from a couple of potential podcast guests I had contacted. I had all but convinced myself I should give up, that I wasn’t cut out for this, when I decided to take a break, to climb into bed with a good book and just chill. Sure enough, the next day I got back to my work with renewed vigor and several new strategies to approach the difficulties I was having. I also found messages from those two guests (and one other amazing woman) who said they would be delighted to chat with me on More Beautiful.
Now, life doesn’t always happen this way. Sometimes, when something truly isn’t right for you, the universe may give you the opportunity to rethink it. But I know that good things don’t often come to me when I’m in a bad frame of mind. As soon as I rest and refocus, and let go of my assumption that this thing must happen, the situation turns around. Either the opportunity reappears, or a new one emerges.
Have you ever noticed that the self-doubt kicks in particularly hard after you’ve made the decision to move forward with something life- or career-changing? In his book, The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, Steven Pressfield calls this phenomenon “Resistance” with a capital R, and says we feel it most “when the finish line is in sight.” He explains, “Resistance knows we’re about to beat it. It hits the panic button. It marshals one last assault and slams us with everything it’s got.” This comes in many forms, including impostor syndrome, crippling fear and self-sabotage.
The key is to work through it. If we give in to it, we may never realize our full potential or get what our soul is aching for. Pressman explains:
“Late at night have you experienced a vision of the person you might become, the work you could accomplish, the realized being you were meant to be? Are you a writer who doesn’t write, a painter who doesn’t paint, an entrepreneur who never starts a venture?…Most of us have two lives: the life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance. Resistance is the most toxic form on the planet…To yield to [it] deforms our spirit, stunts us and makes us less than we are and were born to be.”
We all know we can’t fly when we’re bogged down by negative, self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors. Which reminds me. After my mini hike in the woods put me in a healthier headspace, I returned to the car ready to get myself out of the mud. I was able to think more clearly now about my options. I could call a friend to pull me out using a tow strap or chain, or I could contact a tow service.
Out of the blue, I recalled an unconventional method I once read about: using a car mat to gain traction. I put my car into “park,” pulled out the mat under the driver’s seat, and placed the tip of it under the stuck tire. Then, I got back in the car and drove slowly forward until I reached solid ground and the straight path ahead.
I became unstuck, and so can you.
