The following is a transcript of this episode. It has been edited for clarity.
Why is it that very often, we are our own worst enemies? On this episode, I’m chatting with an awesome business and personal empowerment coach about the many ways in which we can get in our own way of achieving our goals and making our dreams come to fruition. But more important, we’re discussing how we can overcome those obstacles, move forward in every aspect of life, and have a little fun while doing it. It’s gonna be a great conversation, so stay right here.
Welcome to More Beautiful, the podcast for women rewriting the midlife playbook. I’m Maryann LoRusso, and I invite you to join me and a guest each week, as we strive for a life that’s more adventurous, more fulfilling and more beautiful than ever before.
Maryann: I’m here today with Allison Berardi, the founder of Allison Berardi Consulting. Allison offers both business coaching and personal empowerment coaching. And she works with clients to develop their creative and branding strate, build their revenue and impact, and so much more. Whether companies are in the launch mode, the reset mode or the expansion mode, Allison is supporting them every step of the way. Allison, it is so great to have you here. And before we dive into our conversation, I would love it if you could tell us a little bit about your own entrepreneurial journey and why you decided—during COVID, right?—to launch your coaching business.
Allison 01:27
Great to see you this morning, Maryann. Regarding my entrepreneurial journey…I come from very entrepreneurial family. My father was an entrepreneur, my mom, my brother’s a beverage entrepreneur. So it was definitely a theme growing up. And it all really kicked into major gear when I became a single mom close to 21 years ago. And I was also a householder. So I know, it’s interesting to refer to the entrepreneurial journey, as you know, a single momhood. But for me, that taught me so much about how to really show up when it’s hard and to be resilient and to stay true to your values. A lot of the experience that I received from from those times when I felt like my back was against the wall and [wondering] how I was going to get get back in the game has really been an important part of my coaching. COVID was an opportunity for me to get clear on how I wanted to help other people. I had gone into other people’s businesses, had been the right hand to founders and really enjoyed that high-level support role. But as I transitioned, and right before COVID, actually, I became more and more committed to helping people from my own platform, to really help them with my method, with my own strategies, and rather than being inside an organization and helping from within, really pushing in from the outside.
Maryann 03:22
Allison, you like to help people move their dreams forward. How many of your clients in midlife have dreams that they haven’t yet tried to fulfill? How common is it to want to start something new during this life phase? Can you give us some examples of people who’ve done it under your guidance?
Allison 03:39
Yes, of course. And I want to just mention that opportunity Knocks it at all the phases of our life. I think what happens as we approach the second half of life is, the inner voices get stronger. You can no longer stand to not do something you’ve put off. And that’s where there’s a lot of opportunity in what I do, to help steward and guide a process and give people the courage to start to not put it off anymore. I had this wonderful client out of Toronto who was starting a copywriting business. She had no clients…and the clients weren’t going to just fall on her lap. And that was something that we worked on; we worked on what made her different, what was what was on offer that was special about about her and the services that she could provide. And then also, who were her dream clients? We have to start somewhere…If you could work with anyone, who would it be? And that’s where we started. And by the time we were finished, after our six months working together, she had a full roster of clients and a full-time job that she was juggling. And one of the most important things that she did that I asked her to do—and she had some resistance; there’s always resistance right?—is [announce her services] on Facebook. Because you’ve already given me your dream list of who you want to work for. Why don’t you [ask your Facebook friends] if they have any contacts with these companies, and that’s where one contact was given. And that created the opening for all the others to come in as well.
Maryann 05:43
Most people feel resistance every single day of their lives, especially when they’re trying to achieve something that they may deem bigger than themselves and what they thought they could accomplish. How can we overcome those little voices in our head that say, not this, not now, or this won’t work?
Allison 06:00
I think the most important thing about the daily flow of resistance is that we need to expect that it’s going to be there. I mean, it’s there before you’re about to head out the door to go to an exercise class, or to take a run or take a walk or do something that you know is good for you. You may feel resistance and not want to do it, but you do it anyway. I think one of the most important precursors to dealing with resistance is, if we have a daily reflection practice, then we can really decipher what is standard resistance that’s going to come up (and we should expect it) and something that actually needs our attention. We may not need to…go in a certain direction. I think it’s twofold: We need to have the space and the attention to reflect so that we know we’re making good decisions, using our intuition and following hunches. And we also need to make sure we’re not in an idealistic state around resistance. Resistance is going to always be there. It’s often an announcement that we’re on new ground, that we’re in a growth phase. And we just have to coach ourselves out of succumbing to resistance.
Maryann 07:33
Yeah, I think I told you during our last conversation that every day I wake up and I say to myself, why am I doing this? I have no business doing this. And I have to pull myself back into that [mindset of] yes, I do. I have the experience. I’m doing well. I’m gonna keep going—because I love it. But every day, it’s a challenge. Every day I make the choice. You can either move forward or get stuck in that self doubt.
Allison 08:00
Yeah. I think it’s amazing to hear how practiced you are at coaching yourself, because that’s the skill set we all need, especially now. And we need to really be committed. When we find ourselves in a tight space, we need to get out. We need to do whatever it [takes], like listen to a podcast like yours or do something inspirational like call up a friend or mentor, or just sit quietly. And something you mentioned that is so important whenever we’re trying something new is to [realize] that all of our experiences and our talents and our gifts are transferable. And so we can pull them into our new projects and remember who we truly are. And remember the evidence: the things we’ve done before, maybe even yesterday, a breakthrough we had, etc. [that reinforces our experience]. So we need to get clear about where you’ve been and where you are in this moment, in order to move forward.
Maryann 09:11
Yeah, I think we need to honor our experience, especially in midlife. And I agree that our skills are transferable because I think a lot of people are made to feel irrelevant in midlife. The world is changing so fast and sometimes younger generations don’t see our experience as being important or relevant. But I think it is, don’t you?
Allison 09:32
Absolutely. If we really are to believe the collective consensus, we’re either too young or too old—there’s never a good time to start. So that’s [another reason] to just go for it, and follow whatever holds meaning for us.
Maryann 09:55
Besides the resistance, how else do women tend to get in their own way? What are the most common ways that we self sabotage?
Allison 10:02
What I see is—and this is a universal thing for women and men—that often we don’t dream big enough. I think we often are an effect of our circumstances…and we really need to take that reflection time, that time to really see beyond what is it you’re doing. For instance, what’s working and what’s not working? And what is the potential that I carry in me that I haven’t discovered yet? Where do I want to go? Reflection is the answer to most of the hiccups that we face in our daily lives. I see women not taking that reflection time enough. I also see people getting too dispersed in their energy. You know, lot of us are designed to make contributions in multiple areas, so we don’t need to unifocus. But if you’re spread too thin, you need to streamline. That’s something that I work a lot with my clients on. You need to look at your schedule and all the ways you’re producing and serving in the world. And figure out the places where there’s no longer any fire for you, [locate] the pockets where you can make some adjustments and make everything work so that you’re making more money, and that you have more time. And the other thing I see a lot is just lack of consistency. I think consistency is so important as an entrepreneur. You need to take action steps every day. They can be very small. But doing something toward your goals every single day is so important.
Maryann 12:10
Yeah, what about delegating? Because I have a problem with that sometimes; I’m like a control freak. [Laughs]
Allison 12:15
Yeah, me too. I think. And that’s another place there’s opportunity, to expand beyond control. Because we have the gift of experience, and we’re learning how to better work with ourselves and regulate ourselves and then also work with other people. I like to say like, the teamwork is the dream work. By delegating, we’re engaging in a team opportunity, and we can get more done. And we have a collective brain trust with another person or that group of people that can actually help us go further faster, rather than just relying on our own abilities, because there are limitations with that as well.
Maryann 13:07
Yes. And to dream bigger, like you said, you really need to collaborate, right? Because you can’t dream much bigger without collaboration, without support. And I also think a lot of women, especially in midlife, are unsure as to even whether they want to dream big, because it’s scary. It’s not only scary in terms of, can I do it?, but it’s scary because it’s gonna require a lot of growth, and a little bit of pain. And it’s going to be frightening and come with some risk, and some challenges to overcome. So there’s so much involved with dreaming bigger. So how do you get from having a small idea to growing it and expanding upon it? Does it help to have that big vision from the onset?
Allison 13:56
That’s why I think coaching and guidance—whether it’s guidance from a podcast like yours, or a coach or something else—is important. Because we all need input. They say Rome wasn’t built in a day and it it certainly is true when it when we are thinking about our dreams and our ideas and putting them into action. We have to come to our table of dreams with this whole aspect of possibility and possibility thinking. Without that, it’s going to be very, very, very hard. Because it’s hard anyway. And I love the process of teasing an idea or dream out of someone. It’s one of the things I’m most passionate about, because you’re in a very sacred process with someone. They’re allowing you a window into…who they are and what’s driving them. And so if you have respect and a real honoring of that, then you’re holding a field of possibility for that person. What I do a lot in the beginning is [ask clients questions] such as, if you could [build you life and your company in any way, what would it look like?] We take notes and I [have the person read them aloud], and they get to reflect on what they said before our next session. And then we work on the next steps that we need to do in order to put everything into place, so they can get to market with something if it’s a new service or new product. We ask questions like, what is on offer? What is the price for that? What are the action steps to retain your first beta clients or your new book? What are the deadlines? We always work with the calendar, because….if you have a commitment to that a deliverable on that date, it’s something to work toward. We all need things to work toward. We all need accountability. And we all need to be open and willing to take risks. And those things are hard, but they’re easier when you have a helpmate or a guide. And a cheerleader.
Maryann 16:48
Absolutely. And I love that you try to tease out the person’s desires and dreams. That reminded me, I’ve helped a lot of kids—not my own, of course; they don’t want my help, but other people’s kids—with their college essays…
Allison 17:04
[Laughs]
Maryann 17:04
…and I find that a lot of kids just don’t know what to write about. They don’t really know what’s making them tick…
Allison 17:09
Exactly!
Maryann 17:10
…and then you start doing this informational interview and things start to come out…little glimmers. Like, you see their eyes light up when they talk about ballet dancing, or playing the guitar or whatever it is. And you get them to realize what they’re passionate about. I’m sure that’s the best part of being a coach.
Allison 17:29
Yes, we do get into life through the lens of business. What I love about business coaching, if you will, is that if you’re an entrepreneur, you are forced to develop personally as well. And it demands so much of us so. So I love that crossroads of business and personal development.
Maryann 17:56
Yes. And sorry that I called you a life coach. I think business is life.
Allison 18:01
It is!
Maryann 18:01
It’s so connected. OK, so let’s go a little deeper into [identifying] that thing that makes you come alive. Do most people know what that thing is by the time they’re in midlife? Or are they still searching for it? What has your experience been with that? And how do you help them tap into it, if they’re not sure?
Allison 18:20
I had a teacher that once said…this seems like a case of mistaken identity. So I think we’re caught in a process of a mistaken identity, and we need to come home to who we are. And again, I keep coming back to it, but being able to reflect and write is a huge tool. I know that you know that, given your background. Because the answer is always inside. There are always [signs] and it’s always just a matter of picking those up and having the skill and the willingness and the openness to be present with my clients and to listen to what they’re saying. And then getting those notes to them so they can really begin to see what they’re saying and how they can come more into alignment with who they are. Many of us have been pulled outside ourselves [because of] cultural expectations or family expectations or old programming. By getting out of the way and getting into the present, we have an opportunity to see ourselves honestly, to see ourselves in a fair way, and to make a life that reflects who we are on the inside.
Maryann 20:11
One of the most beautiful things I’m seeing in people in midlife is that a lot of those expectations you mentioned, they start to just melt away. And I don’t know if they’re just weary of them, or they’re just like, I’ve had enough of the world telling me what I need to do—whether it’s family, culture, society, whatever. And I think you’re right, I think people are embracing who they truly are. And they’re looking for that alignment. But for the person out there who has the concept, who has an idea of what they want—maybe they want to start something new, maybe they want to start a restaurant, maybe they want to write a book, maybe they want to start a consulting business, whatever it is—if somebody has a dream, what are some of the first practical steps they can take to get themselves on that path?
Allison 20:57
Well, as much as I’m honoring possibility, I’m always applying a practical sense. Ask yourself, how does this fit into your life now? How can you build a bridge from where you are now to where you want to go? And a lot of that starts with just a parallel experience. Some of us are in jobs that we feel like we’re outgrowing. But we have an opportunity in the time that we have off, when we’re not at work, to parallel, to start to begin to plan to do the writing that we need to do to flesh out our idea on paper, to write an executive summary, if you will, if you want to look at it in a business context. I love to write up concepts in a brief format, I would really suggest doing that. And the brief can change over time. It’s a working document that is morphing and changing as you change through your process. I love setting goal dates: If you could have it any way, when would you launch this? What would be the date? We need to build the infrastructure to the new life. And we do that carefully. And we do that with practical measures.
Maryann 22:31
Earlier you mentioned delegation. Do you have any tips for farming out some of that workload? Many women try to do it all by themselves. But if you want to free yourself of some of the stuff that you don’t love to do in order to make the space for the stuff you truly love doing, where can you start?
Allison 22:53
I have a virtual assistant myself, because I’m working in about three different businesses. I love being able to delegate social media, something that is isn’t necessary (or is, as some would say, a necessarily evil). If I want to have content created into a reel, I’ll send that to my VA. Some people want to hire consultants when they’re first starting, to really jumpstart their copywriting or graphic design. There are obviously many platforms that can spit out a great logo nowadays, so that could be a direction you go in to get some of your identity and graphics done. Or you can hire a consultant. I mean, there are people that we need on board in the beginning of something or during a reset or an expansion phase, who can help us shoulder all the responsibilities and the tasks—whether that’s a photographer to capture your visual story, or somebody to help write your newsletter. That’s why I really like to have people parallel is because they do require financial investment. I mean, I’m a great bootstrapper. But in order to make the best presentation of an idea, we’re going to need to invest. And it’s not a negative thing. I think investing in ourselves and our new processes are worth it. We often find a way to get our child what they need, in terms of tuition or the right therapist…But we often leave ourselves behind. And we need to really invest in ourselves simultaneously. We may not be able to go as fast because we’re on a budget, but we can take steps toward getting people to help us and make that investment worthwhile.
Maryann 25:28
Yeah, and a lot of women I know are able to find that support [without spending a ton of money].
Allison 25:37
Yes! Many services offer payment plans or [other alternative options]. For instance, I’m doing a trade with somebody who has a skill set that I need and I have a skill set she needs and it’s a total win-win.
Maryann 25:50
A little barter.
Allison 25:51
Yeah.
Maryann 25:53
Should copywriters be scared right now, by the way with all this AI? I know I’m scared being a writer, because two of the things I happen to be good at—generating ideas and writing—computers can now do for everybody. It’s pretty frightening.
Allison 26:07
It is. But—and I am going to take a little risk here—I think there’s energetic imprinting in writing. I think that when people write…
Maryann 26:19
From your lips to God’s ears, as my grandma would say.
Allison 26:21
Yeah! So when we put out visuals into the world, when we put out copy into the world…there’s energy behind it. And that’s something that I coach about a lot. And it’s something we need to be really cognizant of when we’re building our brands: the energy behind what we’re doing. Because people feel it. And we want to be clear that we’re putting out the right energy that’s aligned with where we’re going. And I think AI is never going to be able to transmit the energy of a human being, of a human soul. I know AI is very clever, but I trust in human nuance and subtlety. And I see that winning out over the long haul.
Maryann 27:24
Yeah, I agree with you. And I love that you said communicating is energy. I agree with you. Although if you’ve seen West World, the computers will gain that ability, this humanity, this energy. Let’s let’s hope that stays in the science fiction realm.
Allison 27:40
I think it will. I really do.
Maryann 27:43
So Alison, there are so many brands out there and the social media space is so cluttered. What do you think is the key to building a vibrant brand in 2023? What should people be thinking about in terms of their branding, their identity, their story?
Allison 28:05
I think it’s so important to think about your values and your impact, more than ever. Beyond your product and your service—and we just referenced energy—what is it that you’re transmitting, that you’re selling or producing? How do you want to leave people? What’s the atmosphere that you arrive with to a meeting? When somebody comes on your website, what is it that you’re transmitting once they arrive? What is the story that you’re inviting them to be part of? All of this is so important. We’re all in a hurry. So getting our story in front of people as succinctly and quickly as possible is really important. So getting to the point. I also think that element of delight and play and fun and humor, which you and I have talked about a lot, is a really important medicine of our times. It’s also [good to come in] with some element of the unexpected or surprise, not just doing what other people are doing…I always come back to this, but [you must] dig deep and [identify] the unique attributes you have to offer and [making that] part of the brand expression.
Maryann 29:42
Yeah, I so agree with that. I’ve said this on several other people’s podcasts when I’m talking about how you can tell your story…Nobody has the story that you have. Absolutely no one. You’re like a snowflake—so in that way the millennials are right. [Laughs] We’re all snowflakes with our very own story. And I think that if you say to yourself, I can offer this or that, which no one can, it keeps you in your lane. It keeps you focused on what you bring to the table, as opposed to [comparing yourself to how others are doing it].
Allison 30:18
Exactly. And during the process of refinement—learning about what the market wants, and being responsive—these are all really good qualities in our current business climate.
Maryann 30:34
Yes. So one other thing you and I talked about earlier is that we all need to celebrate our successes more often. Even those little successes. Like, have a launch party when you start something. Or send a celebratory newsletter out or do a great post on social media, if you hit a milestone of some sort. Why do so many of us shy away from celebrating our successes?
Allison 30:56
I think a lot of us are afraid of being targeted—like, Oh, she’s full of herself, or he’s full of himself. We’re afraid of criticism, or being too out there. But frankly, who cares? We can’t control people’s criticisms or reactions to us. We just need to be true to ourselves and do what’s nurturing to us as we go through the process. Because all of this—whether it’s a new book, a new website, or a new service we’re offering—is a process of discovery. We really have an opportunity to discover something new about ourselves and in the world, and to really have fun, and not take ourselves so seriously, to be light on our feet. And celebration is a big part of that…By honoring these small steps, were are supporting the end goal step by step, and we’re investing in the end goal by honoring the moment. And as much as we need to celebrate our strengths, we also need to look what we need to strengthen…It’s really this dual action that our life requires.
Maryann 33:02
You mentioned the fear of being targeted or being labeled as full of yourself or an imposter. I remember in the 90s, I was at a party, I was an editor at a magazine, and I remember someone talking about another woman, who was also an editor. And they made a comment like, who does she think she is? She’s not the editor of the New York Times. And I remember thinking oh, yeah…and always feeling like I had to get to the next level, to not be that imposter or to prove myself. A lot of us grew up with that sort of overambitious mentality…and that reminds me of something Brene Brown once said, which was like, don’t let people who are not in the arena tell you what to do…
Allison 33:58
Yes, the gist of the quote is like, why would you listen to the criticism of people who are on the sidelines and not in the game with you? And it’s so true, because it’s really easy to sit on the sidelines and criticize.
Maryann 34:13
Or choose as a role model somebody who is already where you want to get—not not not to copy them, but [to know what’s possible], and use them for guidance, almost like a mentorship. …Those are the types of people that can give you guidance and critiques—not the people who aren’t doing it at all.
Allison 34:32
No, because there’s such a vulnerability that comes from really taking a chance from doing you know, even the work you’re doing. I mean, there’s a vulnerability and if you’ve experienced that yourself, you know that you have to become more visible when you take a new action in the world. It’s scary, and if you’re wrestling with those fears each day, I have deep respect for that, because it’s not easy. But we just we need to go for it anyway. We just do. And it doesn’t really matter what people have to say, unless we know them and respect them. As we become more committed to our path and more visible in our expressions, we’re bound to find voices that we don’t want or need. But we just keep going—like you said earlier.
Maryann 35:41
I will add that the people that you associated with before you started your endeavor may not be the same people that you continue the journey with, because they may offer a lot of criticism or may not want you to grow.
Allison 36:00
Exactly. And people have unconscious motivations. They may not even be conscious of the way they’re reacting to that new life you’re building. We don’t need to take anything personally, either. Because often [people’s reactions are] projections anyway.
Maryann 36:22
Yes. So speaking of new endeavors, you also started a lifestyle company called 11 Locust. Tell us about that.
Allison 36:31
Well, you referenced the ticking clock, the project that’s been on the shelf…For me, 11 Locust was in the making for many years. It’s my creative side, and the umbrella under which I can express my creativity and hospitality in entertaining, cooking, gardening, and decorating. It’s a place where I do consulting in people’s homes and businesses, styling and also designing. And I just love it. It’s just completed my experience, really. I wanted to have all of me represented in the world, as I engaged my second half of life. And it’s been a wonderful balance, but there’s a lot of crossover. Because as I’m working one-on-one with people on their businesses, and I’m offering a new opportunity or possibility for them—I’m really doing the same thing when I’m working with someone’s space…Whether I’m [addressing] their business, or I’m working with the objects in their home, [I’m consulting them on how to] reassemble [these elements] in a new way that nurtures them so that they can be the best they can be…
Maryann 38:15
Yeah, and it’s great because you can use your own experience as you move forward in your business to kind of inform the work you do with clients.
Allison 38:31
Absolutely.
Maryann 38:32
And I have to say you have great taste—I was on your Instagram for 11 Locust. And you and I are so much alike in that we have so many interests, it can get overwhelming. Like I love home design. I love fashion. I love party planning. I love flower arranging. I think I have 20 Instagram accounts that nobody knows about. [Laughs]
Allison 38:49
Oh my God, I love it.
Maryann 38:52
Just in case I want to pivot. But then I’m like, I need to narrow it down. I call it the midlife rush. It’s like you just start expanding and then eventually you’ll just settle into one thing.
Allison 39:04
Right. We throw it at the wall and see what sticks. It’s an experimentation. And I think we should be OK with that, and not judge that, and [just allow ourselves] to be in that experimental phase.
Maryann 39:22
Yes, espcially because many of us did not allow ourselves that freedom to explore when we were younger…
Allison 39:29
Right!
Maryann 39:29
We were told we had to get on a track, and we had to stick with it. And so I think now is this great time—if you have the luxury of doing that—to experiment a little.
Allison 39:36
Yes. And many of us now have kids who are getting lanched. I know some people are dealing with their parents getting older [or getting sick]…But there’s kind of that little window in there where we can take the opportunity to just do more of what [we’ve been put] here to do.
Maryann 40:02
I said it before and I’ll say it again: Midlife is the sweet spot. Allison, it’s been so much fun talking with you. Thank you for these amazing tips. Where can we find you online in your many incarnations?
Allison 40:20
Well, I’m launching a new Allisonberardi.com website where you can set up a discovery call…with me. I also offer office hours on Wednesdays. And 11Locust.com is where you can find my blog about home decorating, gardening and cooking; I also offer styling services there.
Maryann 40:51
All right, we’re going shopping together one day…Thank you for being here with me.
41:00
Thank you, Maryann.
Outro 41:07
Thank you so much for tuning in to More Beautiful. Please visit Morebeautifulproject.com for show notes and bonus content. And it would mean so much if you could subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts or wherever you’re listening. Together, let’s continue to change the conversation around aging.
