The following is a transcript of this episode. It may have been edited for clarity.
Teaser: Listen to your body. We hear that over and over again. But what does it mean exactly? My next guest is the midlife empowerment and sexuality coach who helps clients connect with their bodies during this time of great change. We’re going to talk about what your body may be trying—in some subtle and not so subtle ways—to reveal to you; how you can learn to tune in and trust what it’s telling you; and, most important, ways you can nurture your body and allow yourself to experience more pleasure. And who doesn’t want that? Nobody, that’s who. So so stick around.
Intro: Welcome to More Beautiful, the podcast for women rewriting the midlife playbook. I’m Maryann LoRusso, and I invite you to join me and a guest each week, as we strive for a life that’s more adventurous, more fulfilling and more beautiful than ever before.
Maryann: My lovely guest today is Gabriella Espinosa, a midlife empowerment and sexuality coach and the founder of Women’s Body Wisdom. Gabriella uses embodiment coaching, yoga, somatic movement and menopause mentoring to help women connect to their bodies, pleasure and power through perimenopause, menopause and beyond. Hey, Gabriella, welcome to the podcast!
Gabriella 1:22
Hi, thank you so much. That was such a lovely introduction. I’m happy to be here with you for this conversation.
Maryann 1:28
Thank you for being here. I’m so excited because this is going to be a juicy conversation. And I think a lot of women are going to want to pay attention! Gabriella, can you explain to us some of the things you do…Some of the stuff we know, but some people out there may not know what somatic movement and embodiment coaching are. Can you briefly explain those?
Gabriella 1:49
Sure. The word somatic comes from the Latin word soma, meaning the living body. So it’s a body based approach to movement, which emphasizes the internal perception and experience of the body. I like to say that when we are better able to feel within our bodies, we feel better about our bodies…This is all about building awareness, building that sense of connection…It’s about feeling at home in your skin. So you’re accessing your body’s innate wisdom, because our bodies are speaking to us all the time. But we tend to drown out those messages by constant striving and doing and, you know, doing all the things that we are doing in life: taking care of our families, our kids, work. And then there are the hormonal fluctuations that happen [in perimenopause and menopause]…that drown out the messages of our bodies. But our bodies are always speaking to us, they’re always sending us cues for how they want to be nourished in the way of food, pleasure, rest, movement and connection. So what somatics…facilitates a greater awareness of your body, and of listening to your body.
Listening to your body means getting really quiet, getting really still and tuning into these messages. And when we do this, we can we can come into…a place of wholeness, to a place of really feeling at home in our skin, of really connecting to our internal body world. And so there’s so many benefits when we do this…It allows us to establish clear boundaries, you can listen for that yes or that no, but so many times we override that. Because thing good in and out our bodies. It’s not what our bodies looked on the outside, it’s about feeling good in your body. It also helps self esteem, self confidence, and helps us regulate our emotions. Because when we tune in to what’s going in, and we can sort of decipher, okay, is this hunger that I’m having? Or is it angry anger?
Maryann 4:29
What does somatic movement look like when you’re actually doing it? Is it similar to yoga?
Gabriella 4:37
It’s different from doing yoga and it’s not dancing, which both of those have a very directive and stylized and choreographed quality them to them. So in order to experience the benefits of somatic movement, it’s performed very slowly, as slowly as possible, preferably with the eyes closed, tuning in deeply to your experience. Generally, I guide my clients through this, because it helps the first few times to be guided through it. And you’re basically tuning in, it’s very exploratory in nature, you’re always focused on your internal experience of movement, physical sensations, emotions and feelings rather than the end result, or what it looks like. There are so many different modalities in somatic movement, but I teach the nonlinear movement method, which is such a powerful modality because it really allows you to identify, release and process stress and emotional tension, allows you to smooth out your entire nervous system, releases trauma patterns into flow, and opens access to what I call your bodily wisdom, and it makes space for creativity, your own creative expression in the world that connects you to the goodness, the pleasure in your body. And it really is about heart connection, really connecting to your heart and its expression in the world. So it is a subtle, continual non-force movement that’s guided by your body, I’ll give you a few cues. And I’ll put on some lovely [music]…I love making playlists for my clients. And you just allow yourself to move with what you’re feeling.
Maryann 6:32
You mentioned trauma. The body really does hang on to trauma, right? Your body knows that it happened. And you have to work through that.
Gabriella 6:39
Exactly, yes. Our bodies are so intelligent in the way that they store old emotions, old wounds. And what I find in midlife, especially as we’re moving through the menopause transition is that a lot of these old wounds old emotional hurts come up to the surface because…we’ve been so busy pushing them down, because we have things to do, right? We have to…make a living, we have so many things to attend to. But progesterone, our happy hormone, our calming hormone…when that starts to decline in perimenopause, that’s when all of these things come up. Because you don’t have that protective mechanism, right? You don’t have that protective mechanism keeping down all those old wounds, hurts and pains. And so all of that comes up to be reckoned with. And so I think it’s such a powerful time, during the whole perimenopause transition, to to allow yourself to unearth some of those things that you’ve been pushing down with the help of a coach or a therapist or these powerful somatic modalities. They really do help you move through some of the discomfort, some of the pain that comes up when you’re moving through old hurts and wounds.
Maryann 8:13
Yeah, we don’t hear very much about progesterone. We hear so much about estrogen during this life stage—and the fact that it just plummets, as we all know. But progesterone is a tricky little hormone too. So I’m glad you brought that up.
Gabriella 8:24
Yes, estrogen is is the queen hormone. But it’s that progesterone which starts to decline first. In those pre menopausal years. That’s why you start to have irregular periods, and you start experiencing some anxiety or mood swings, they just come out of nowhere. Right. And so that is a tricky hormone. You’re right.
Maryann 8:49
Gabriela, tell us about your personal journey that brought you to the work you’re doing right now.
Gabriella 8:55
Well, I started off as a yoga teacher almost 20 years ago, and yoga has always been my constant companion—through my busy professional life, then through pregnancy and motherhood and postpartum. It’s always been there. And I love using the breath practices and the awareness practices of yoga. But yoga is very much about bringing the body into this parasympathetic, calm and rest state. But as many of you who may be listening know, when you’re going through that perimenopausal phase, and you’re perhaps having old wounds come up, or you’re losing that barrier to be the nice person to be the people pleaser. All of that starts to kind of disappear and then everything comes up to the surface and how do you deal with all of these emotions feelings? Rage, you know, it’s a lot to deal with. I discovered the nonlinear movement method at a time when I was experiencing hormonal shifts that were causing me to disconnect from my body. I started to feel, you know, just not in my skin, right? I lost that sense of vibrancy and pleasure [I used to know] and had this increased sense of anxiety and overwhelm…that would come out of nowhere. My energy was just not there, was very lackluster and then, to top it all off, my libido just disappeared. It was like a light switch.
Maryann 10:43
And it’s such a common story. I hear that over and over again from people.
Gabriella 10:47
Yes, it is a common story. And at the time—this was 10 years ago—perimenopause and menopause weren’t in the conversation as much as it is now. I had never even heard of the word perimenopause back then. And so it was quite confusing for some time. But I fortunately found the guidance of Michaela Boehm, who is my mentor and my teacher. She’s a world-renowned female intimacy and embodiment teacher. Her teachings are very much steeped in Cymatics, as well as an Eastern traditional wisdom. So that resonated with me, because I had a lot of that learning from my yoga practice. And so with consistent practice, I was able to deal with move through a lot of the emotions that were coming up for me, to strip away layers of stress and patterns of coping that just were not working for me anymore. I noticed a lot of limiting beliefs that I had that came up, and a lot of them stemmed from my childhood. Or just conditioning, the culture that we grew up in, and, you know, limiting beliefs about my body, about my worth, as a woman. And I was able to approach my body from a place of abundance instead of a place of lack or needing to fix or change it. So I learned to appreciate my body and its wisdom and its ability to move in the world with greater ease and confidence…and I got my life back. And this had such a positive, rippling effect on my relationships and the way I showed up in the world. So it is such a powerful modality that I highly recommend everyone, experiment for themselves and see how how they feel.
Maryann 12:47
I love that you are celebrating abundance. That’s kind of how I came to my mission also, because I felt like for years, I was hearing women lamenting what they were lacking and what they were losing in midlife. You know, we keep hearing, we’re losing our hormones, we’re losing our sex drive. I mean, it’s happening. It’s true, you know, kids are moving away, we’re losing all these things. But I think we’re gaining so much as well, like all the things you mentioned, and more. So, with all that in mind, you know, just you said a lot. There are so many things going through the lives of women in this life stage. What are they coming to you for primarily, like, what would you say are the top few reasons that they really are seeking your advice and wisdom and help.
Gabriella 13:29
So a lot of the women who come to me feel that sense of disconnect, right? They are doing all the things right? They’ve spent most of the, you know, 30s, early 40s, striving, doing, trying to balance work life relationships, without the appropriate self care without the appropriate body awareness without the appropriate propriate looking inwards, to the feelings, the emotions that they were holding. And so they feel this disconnect from their body, they don’t feel like themselves anymore. I hear that a lot. And they feel like they’ve lost their spark for life. And for pleasure, right? So they feel like this, this, this nudge this voice from inside because it gets quite loud that voice even though we try to ignore that voice, that inner voice comes out and says please listen to me, you know, please hold my hand please take me with you. Right and stop ignoring me. So we have to tune into that inner voice and find out what brings us joy. What brings us pleasure, not only in the bedroom, but out in the out in the world, right? So what are passions, hobbies, things that make you joy that bring you joy that you’ve put to the side that you’ve forgotten about in your day to day life. So I start with inviting that sense of pleasure, because that’s, that’s what I mostly focus and focus on with women is, you know, awakening that pleasure that we have not prioritized in our lives. So we start with day to day simple pleasures, what is it that lights you up? What is it that you put the spring on your step, you know, smile to your face and reconnecting with those simple pleasures. And it can be, you know, things like going for a walk in nature, picking up a hobby, or focusing on a passion project, like starting a podcast like you’ve done right? And really guiding them to through that, that awakening of that of that pleasure. And a lot of us because we’ve had so many limited beliefs, because we’ve had, we’ve been squashing down our really deepest heart’s desires, we get a lot of a lot of things get in the way, right, a lot of beliefs, we put in a lot of roadblocks for ourselves to really tune into what gives us pleasure. And so I focus on that in more on the in the empowerment aspect of my coaching, and then more on the on the sexuality side. We know as we move through perimenopause and menopause, that our bodies experienced changes. So I work a lot with body confidence. We also you mentioned estrogen before, yes, the decline in estrogen does mean that we lose, you know, elasticity and the integrity of our vulnerable vaginal tissues. So I work with women to reconnecting with that intimate part of themselves, through education, you know, sexual health education, you know, educating them on what’s really going on, maybe connecting them with a doctor if there’s any pain or discomfort that they’re experiencing, sexually. And then when we when they have that sense of connection, and things are feeling okay, with their vulva vaginal tissue, because as as I’m sure, I’m not sure if everyone knows, but as we as that estrogen declines, we lose the elasticity of our vulnerable vagina, vaginal tissue. And so that causes pain and discomfort, and sometimes numbing, we turn away from sexual pleasure with our partners. And so women don’t know how to get started again. And so they feel like, oh, what worked in my 20s and 30s is no longer working for me anymore. How do I reconnect with my sensual sexual pleasure? So I work with somatic practices, very gentle, you know, it’s really about reconnecting to yourself, in a very intimate level, really getting to know yourself intimately. Because you really can’t connect with another person until you get to know yourself. So getting to know yourself. Yeah, the embodiment practices where I work a lot with breath and movement and touch, to really awaken what lights you up. As I said, in the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
Maryann 18:06
Let’s break down the sex thing for a second because it’s so complex, right? Because we know that feeling turned on is in our minds. And in our bodies. We have two things at play, and they’re interwoven, right and intertwined. So I love that you address the mechanical stuff first, because there is some serious stuff happening. We’ve got all the lovely symptoms you mentioned, happening and perimenopause and menopause. And then you go to the mind. And I find that with a lot of my friends, when we’re talking about this stuff, the fear is there, because maybe they’ll experience a physical symptom. And then it goes to their head, and they’re thinking, I can’t do this anymore, or my sexual days are over, or I can’t get turned on or my orgasms aren’t as strong and or whatnot. So I love that you’re addressing both. And which do you address? I mean, what’s your approach if a woman doesn’t know where her sexual dysfunction or confusion is coming from?
Gabriella 19:03
Hmm. Well, again, going back to this sense of disconnect, we’re constant, you know, doing and striving instead of, you know, being an and flowing with life. Right. So it really is about getting out of our heads and into our bodies, which I find is really hard for us to do in this culture that focuses and rewards productivity, right? That’s, that’s another thing that a lot of women say to me, I can’t get out of my head and into my body, even when it comes to intimacy. Yeah. So how do we do that? Right. So we focus a lot on scent, what I call sensitizing the body so really focusing on either movement practices, or touch practices or visualization practices, that women have to that I that I sent as a way of I don’t like to use the word home work by home play, I send them home with some home play exercises and to establish a self pleasure practice. So self pleasure is that practice of reconnecting to yourself, really tuning into your feelings, your sensations, your internal world. And then we’re using practices such as touch, such as visualization, I get women to, to, to really take matters into their own hands solo before they do it with a partner. So they can rediscover what areas of their body are more sensitized to pleasure. So it I say that our whole body is a pleasure zone. But it changes it shifts with our shift in hormones. So really getting to know yourself through touch through breath through movement, I do a lot of journaling with women, send them home with you know, journaling exercises so that they can start to inquire and shift the narratives they’ve had about what sexual pleasure is, because we arrived to I think this point, a lot of us thinking, Okay, our worth was in our reproductive years. And now that’s what it was for that much. And now I want to, you know, I want I want something more than that I want to valued, I want to step into a sense of power and pleasure that I can own for myself, and then share it with with a partner.
Maryann 21:38
So interesting, I just want to say about the self pleasure thing I’m finding, I don’t know if you find this, but younger women are really embracing this whole self pleasure thing. I can’t believe every major retailer has now a self pleasure section, where they’re selling vibrators and you know, all these toys and sexual health, they call it right sexual health. And I feel like millennials and younger are really embracing that. Whereas I think women of our generation didn’t quite have that. So I say kudos to them for that.
Gabriella 22:10
It’s amazing. And I And so that’s, you know, that’s there are a lot of beliefs, you know, that we have around self pleasure or masturbation, if you want to call it that I do see a difference between the two. I find that masturbation is more goal oriented, I’m going straight for the orgasm and self pleasure is about gently and slowly cultivating that pleasure because, or all women, but I think especially as we head to midlife, it takes us more time to get aroused takes us a little bit more time. And so what are the things that you could be doing during the day to build up that, that arousal that turned on and it could be like I said, simple things like a movement practice, like going out for a walk in nature. So we start off, we I think by the time we get to midlife, we our pleasure bank, is very small, right? And so we want to just gently start expanding that capacity, expanding the capacity for pleasure, by building it up slowly with this gentle small pleasure practices, and then heading in then moving into more, more sexual practices. So I don’t, you know, go straight for the sexual practices I go in, I start with very gentle practices, building, gentle arousal throughout the day, through touch through movement, doing the things you love to do. And then when you know, and rest is such an important part of that, too. So listening to your body. So many women tell me that their you know, by the time their partners come home from work, they’re exhausted, they have nothing left in the tank, right?
Maryann 23:54
Yeah, nighttime is not a good time anymore. Morning or afternoon.
Gabriella 24:00
If you want that to happen, then you know, make sure you are rested it that you’re sleeping well. Right and that you’re managing your stress, because those are the main blockers for pleasure, take a nap. Yeah, take a nap. Or yeah, just, you know, change it up a bit. You know, they’re, you know, weekend mornings, or, you know, morning times are great, or just taking a nice weekend away with your partner, if you want to do that. You know, there’s so many different ways to switch it up a bit. But I think most of the the work that I do with women first is really dealing with some of them. The the conditioned beliefs that we have about giving ourself pleasure giving ourselves pleasure. So I really talked about owning our pleasure first so that we know what feels good, and then we can communicate that with a partner.
Maryann 24:53
Yeah, I find that like with everything else surrounding aging, sex is no different. It’s about letting go and by that, I mean letting go of the of the old notions that we once had of what it needs to feel like: what an orgasm should feel like, how much time you should spend, how quickly the buildup is…It’s just different now, and different doesn’t mean not as good. Different can mean great, you know, or even better.
Gabriella 25:20
Exactly. And that’s the exciting thing right now: that we have possibly more time or more headspace to think about other ways that we can incorporate pleasure into our lives and get a little bit more creative. And I find it’s a time when we can really, really, really expand our capacity to experience more pleasure and different pleasure.
Maryann 25:49
And I have older friends who tell me it actually gets better.
Gabriella 25:54
It can, if you make sure you’re taking care of your intimate health [and that] there aren’t any physical issues. Because if there are physical issues that may be blocking you, then those need to be tended to first. Once you address those physical issues—moisturizers, lubes, or if you want to go down the vaginal estrogen route—and making sure that tissues are are healthy and then making sure [you have a] partner who is going to make it comfortable for you…
Maryann 26:49
You talk about something called liminal space, which is something I don’t know if many people understand or know about. Can you describe what that is?
Gabriella 26:58
So that liminal space I use to describe the transition between perimenopause and menopause. Because menopause is just one day—the day which marks the one year that haven’t had your periods. And that perimenopause to menopause phase can last anywhere from five to 10 years. And I call that space the liminal space, because you’re you’re moving from a place from where you once were, to a place where you know you’re trying to go to but you don’t know what it is and how long it’s going to take to reach the other side. It’s like crossing a bridge, right? And you’re in that middle of the bridge. And it can be such a confusing time because you don’t know when it’s going to end, you don’t know how long it’s going to last. And that space of not knowing…can be a time for really deep growth and transformation. But it can be so uncomfortable, it can be so, so uncomfortable. So this is where I talk about doing a lot of the inner work. And it’s uncomfortable, because maybe some of those old wounds, those limited beliefs may come up. Maybe you’re trying to find how you want to live in the second half of life, and you have no idea right? A lot of things come up for you that you want to deal with. And you just don’t know how and so it’s sitting in that discomfort, that uncertainty that unknowing that can lead to a lot of growth and transformation, if we do the inner work. So the inner work can be working with a coach, it can be working with a therapist, it can be working with these somatic practices. In my time of liminality, that’s when I discovered the somatic practices, which really allowed me to move with all the emotions and feelings that were coming up for me with being in this space. It takes a little bit of an effort and it takes a little bit of work, but it can be so incredibly transformational and rewarding.
Maryann 29:21
I agree. I like to think of it as a metamorphosis, or time to go into our cocoons and figure it all out and emerge even better…So OK, one thing we don’t talk about very much is grief and how it relates and ties into all of this stuff that you’re talking about. Because our bodies are going through so many changes. And maybe we’re so preoccupied with that, that we don’t realize that we’re actually grieving, right? And grieving is not just about like someone we know dying or our dog dying. It’s about the loss of who we were, and the parts of us that are changing. Can you tell us more about that and how you think grief shows up during this time of life.
Gabriella 30:03
Such a great question, I’m so glad you you’re asking that. Because yes, maybe we don’t realize it, that’s what’s actually happened, that we’re grieving parts of ourselves and this shows up as a low mood, or a lot of resistance—like I just can’t go there, I just can’t, I’m feeling stuck. A lot of my clients say, I just feel stuck. I just feel this profound sense of loss. And because maybe you don’t feel the same way you felt like in your 20s or 30s, you don’t look like the same person, your body’s changed, your libido has changed. And so much of our culture is so youth obsessed and you’re hanging on to what you know, hanging on to that youth and what used to be. But we can celebrate that we are moving into a new phase of life, and that we have an incredible amount of lived experience and wisdom and so many gifts to offer the world. When you realize that and you embrace that, it allows you to shift your perception of this stage of life. And so I think a lot of the grief is like, Oh, this is the way things used to be and I want that back, but not realizing that there’s so much on the other side, and that you’ve accumulated so much lived experience and wisdom to have such huge value to everyone around you. So I think it’s really honoring your lived experience and wisdom. And I have women do a lot of journaling and thinking, you know, what are your gifts? And how do you want to bring them into the world? How do you want to share them with other people? And that throws sine people back. They’re like, what gifts? I don’t think I have anything to offer. Because they have seen themselves in such a limited way. But there’s so much potential for us as midlife women.
Maryann 32:13
In terms of the grief or just feeling like things are changing…I think that’s where my girlfriend’s helped me the most. I mean, sitting around talking about, you know, it sounds superficial, but you know, if someone at the table at dinner says, I think my hairline is receding, you know? And then we all say, oh, that’s happening to me too, you know, or I don’t have as much of a libido…Oh, me neither. I think it helps to know that all these symptoms are very common and that our experiences are shared, and we’re not alone. Do you find that community is something we all need more of right now?
Gabriella 32:51
Community is essential. And I think normalizing these conversations is so important. I think there used to be such a sense of shame and silencing around these these type of topics. And that’s why I love being in this space. I think our generation of women is waking up to the fact that we’ve been wronged by not having been educated…about our health beyond the reproductive stage…This is not right. And so we’re waking up to that. And I love how menopause is having its moment, how midlife is having its moment. And we’re just not going to settle for it. We’re just going to be speaking loud and proud from the rooftops. And knowing that in our collective, in our togetherness, we can really rise together, we can really empower each other and and I think it’s such an exciting time to form community as well as normalize these conversations.
Maryann 34:04
I couldn’t agree more. So Gabriella, you say it is so important for women to know and trust their bodies, And you talked about the somatic movements, how it helps tune in and listen. Are there other ways we can tune into our bodies and really listen and learn to trust what our bodies might be trying to tell us?
Gabriella 34:25
Again, in this culture of productivity and being on the go, I think a lot of us may not value the idea of rest. I think it’s so important to rest and have those moments of silence. Like, I love going away by myself for a weekend and for just my own my own little mini retreat, because it’s in that space of quiet that you can really start to hear those inner voices, when you get those sparks of creativity that start to rise up. I think you need that quiet, you need that rest. You need those moments of “me” time. And when you’re not doing anything, you’re totally unplugged. And you take time to journal, go for walks in nature, even if it’s just half a day, I know it’s hard to take weekends off. But even if it’s just half a day, or even set aside one hour. Start small. You can also just stay home…lie down on the floor, put on some soothing music if you want, or just go and sit on a park bench and gaze out into the sky or the flowers. Just see what happens, what comes up for you, because I think the busyness of our day-to-day lives just drowns out all those deep desires and creative ideas. We all probably have a deep underlying wish or have something we’ve always wanted to do, but don’t know quite how to do it. And it’s in that quiet space, when you’re free of any distractions, when genius happens,
Maryann 36:33
Yeah, last week, I had some time alone. And I got dozens, if not hundreds of ideas for everything. And I was writing things down and running and doing all this amazing things. And now my, my, my lovely daughters home from college, and I love that. But my husband’s home from a business trip, I’ve got the second kid home. And suddenly it’s chaotic. And I haven’t gotten one good idea this week.
Gabriella 36:58
Isn’t that interesting? The same thing happens to me. When everyone’s gone. I find those sparks of creativity I have I’m so filled with ideas. And I tell you know, I guide my clients and make sure whenever you get that those are downloads, those are our downloads, right? When you get that download, make sure you write it down and it can happen. You get in the shower, right? I say okay, if you don’t, if you can’t find that quiet time for yourself, just take an extra long shower, right? So long shower, and sometimes those that download happens in the shower. And I say always carry a journal and a pen with you and write them down. Don’t dismiss them. No matter how crazy you might think they are.
Maryann 37:42
Or talk into your phone. Just text yourself. I do that all the crazy lady in the park, I send audio files to myself.
Gabriella 37:48
Yeah, I’m with you. My husband and I are working from home, and my daughter is home from college, and I realize how much that mothering role dampens down that creativity. And yes, it served a purpose when our kids were growing up, but…real nurturing…takes up a lot of space and time.
Maryann 38:32
And then there’s a guilt factor, like “Oh, but I should be making really great meals right now. Because they’re all home.” But no, Maryann has work to do.
Gabriella: I’m sure they’re all pretty self sufficient by this time.
Maryann 38:50
Exactly. But um, that’s a good segue because the idea of nourishment, right? We’re nurturers, we like to nourish our families, but we also have to nurture ourselves and you talk about nourishment I was reading on your website and you say it’s a big part of how we can strengthen our relationship with our bodies. Can you give us some examples of the ways we can nurture ourselves
Gabriella 39:12
Hmm, well, you know, I say that we can we nourish ourselves through through food right through food, you know, making sure we’re eating well and I think this time of life we it is an opportunity to really optimize our health nut get obsessed with diet following diets. I really follow an intuitive way of eating but really know what is nourishing for you. So I always recommend a Mediterranean style diet, you know, lots of lean meats, fresh leafy veg, it’s really time to you know if you can ditch the sugar and the alcohol but leave those as treats so you know, I never say no to desserts and a nice glass of wine when I’m out for or, you know, a nice dinner with friends or my husband. So but it becomes something special, right. So just really focus on, you know, eating foods that are rich in omega three fatty acids, you know, green leafy veg that’s full of magnesium and calcium for your bones. So know what nutrients you need to address your bone health, your brain health, and your muscle health, because at this stage of life, we can tend to lose muscle mass. And so we want to keep building muscle mass. So because that helps our metabolic health that helps with weight. And so making sure you have great protein sources of protein, as well as addressing the nutrients that can help your brain your bones, your your cortisol levels. So you know, looking at how much caffeine you’re drinking, and really, that’s where the embodiment practices, and the somatic practices really help because it can really help you tune in. And, you know, determine, Okay, do I really need this, this second cup of coffee? Can I do something else? To raise my energy levels, maybe I just need to go lie down and do a little bit of breath work, and that will revitalize me. So when we learn to listen to our bodies, we can learn to listen to those signals of okay, what are the types of foods I want to be eating? Do I need rest? Right? How and when do I need rest? Do I need some movement? Right? We’re living more sedentary lives. Now many of us are working from home, especially in front of computers. So does that mean I just need to get up and move? Right? Even if it’s just doing a little shake a little dance in between meetings? Or is it that I need connection, I find now that my kids are no longer at home, I find that I’m spending more time alone. And sometimes that’s not great for me, right? So I balance it, you need a little bit of balance, although the newfound freedom is wonderful, but we need human connection, right. And so making sure that I that I set up, you know, you know coffee dates or lunch dates with friends or just going for walks in the park. That’s what I love, I love to meet up with friends. And then pleasure, right? Don’t Don’t deny yourself pleasure, whether it’s self pleasure or pleasure with the partner really prioritize that. It’s you know, there’s so many benefits to a self pleasure practice or engaging intimately in sexually with a partner we want to we want to prioritize and and I noticed many women say, you know, I’m ready to you know, I’ve had enough I don’t want to do it, you know, I don’t want to I’m it’s over for me. But even regardless of whether or not you’re with a partner, it’s really important to maintain that, that sense of connection to your sexual energy, I do prioritize it. And I feel that there’s so many benefits to stress level to sleep, to blood flow to the intimate areas. And it just makes you feel more alive and vibrant. And it really shows up in the way you express yourself in terms of confidence and creativity. And you know, your own sense of power in the world.
Maryann 43:24
Yeah, and one thing I’m working on—and this ties into the connections and the sexuality stuff as well—is being more playful. I feel like as you get older that kind of escapes your life, like you forget how to play like a kid and let loose and just be in the moment, right? I feel like we really need to nurture that too, don’t you?
Gabriella 43:49
Yes, that playfulness and curiosity don’t have an age limit and should continue for for as long as we live. So yes, this is an opportunity to invite that back in to our lives. For sure.
Maryann 44:04
I think that’s why so many people want grandkids, because they feel like it gives them an excuse to run around and act like a kid again. But I think we can get it back for ourselves; we don’t necessarily need grandkids
Gabriella 44:18
[Start with something simple] like playing around with the color of your clothing. Or play around with makeup. Or go on some fun dates with a partner or change around the things that you do with with your girlfriends. Have a really fun night out doing something that you’ve probably never done before. Go out dancing…I recently did that with girlfriends…
Maryann 44:54
I love dancing and [my friends and I are always] lamenting that there aren’t enough clubs in which women over a certain age feel comfortable. Someone needs to open a [chain of dance clubs] for people over 40.
Gabriella 45:09
Depending on where you are, I find that there are those places…And also, it’s all about how you show up. You know, if you’re confident and you feel at home in your body and then you can hang out in a space with younger people.
Maryann 45:32
Yeah, of course. I just don’t like to smell beer like I’m in a frat house. You know, I’d like a place that’s a little more sophisticated.
Gabriella 45:41
But I think yeah, having a fun night out with your girlfriends is is the best.
Maryann 45:48
It truly is. And I’m happy you didn’t say pickleball. Because there’s a joke that every very guest [who comes on this show] talks about pickleball.
Gabriella 45:57
I haven’t learned pickleball yet. But I keep hearing about it. So I’m thinking, Should I pick it up? Anything to move your body. And you know what? Our bodies love to be moved in different ways. So you know, going back to how we can nourish our bodies: Find different ways of moving your body. And if it’s pickleball let it be pickleball. If it’s dancing, if it’s rollerblading or going ice skating…I temporarily moved back to the city where I grew up, which is Houston, Texas, and I grew up going to a local ice skating rink that was in this big mall. And we went ice skating not too long ago…I was a mess. I was on my butt. That’s okay. It was so much fun [experiencing] that sense of playfulness. And I was like, “Oh yes, I can still do this!” And this is something that gave me so much joy. So finding different ways of moving your body is definitely a way of nourishing…Oh, and there’s boxing, and rowing. There are so many things we can try. Just experiment with new forms of movement. I always recommend trying not to get stuck in one form of movement, because we want to move our bodies in so many different ways.
Maryann 47:20
Funny you brought up the skating. I was driving my son to school this morning, and we’re playing songs on the radio and Billy Joel’s It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me came on. And it just brought back memories of this place called Hot Skates where we used to go when I was a kid in New York and I was telling my son about it. And I’m like, I want to go roller skating. There’s a place in Golden Gate Park where all these people just show up with their roller skates and it looks really fun. But I just want to tell everybody out there that Gabriella and I have an assignment for you all this week: You’re going to go out and you’re going to find some way to play, to be playful or maybe be a little sensual and move your body. What What would you challenge people to do?
Gabriella 48:02
Just do something that you’ve never done before. Try something new, getting out of your comfort zone, whether it’s going and joining a new group or a new class, or trying an art class going to some type of festival. When I lived I lived in the UK..there’s a big tradition of festivals there and I love going to festivals on a weekend. My girlfriend and I thought it was something that only young people went to, but we went and had a total blast…So just try something that you’ve always wanted to do and never done. Just just do it and step outside your comfort zone. You know, I love…sitting in cafes or restaurants by myself. I used to be so self-conscious about that, but I do it all the time now. And I strike up the most interesting conversations with people.
Maryann 49:12
That’s something that I’ve embraced in midlife as well. I love talking to strangers and eating alone. And every year my husband and I go to the Outside Lands music festival here in San Francisco, and meanwhile my friends tell me that their kids are going, and they’re like, “Isn’t that for the teenagers?” And we’re like, “Nope, we’re going.” You’re never too old to listen to music.
Gabriella 49:37
Oh my gosh. Yes, absolutely. I have tickets to go see Madonna in September…
Maryann 49:42
Warning, Madonna may ask you to lock up your phone for five hours…I saw her at the Brooklyn Academy of Music a couple of years ago and the show…started so late and our phones [were locked around our necks and] you couldn’t open them unless a bouncer did it for you. Just keep that in mind. Anyway, Gabriella, this has been so much fun. Can you tell everybody out there where they can find you online?
Gabriella 50:14
Yeah, you can go to my website, Gabriellaespinosa.com. There is a free awakening pleasure checklist that I have there that if you sign up for it, just a little list of reminders of how to incorporate pleasure into your day-to-day life. And I have all sorts of online courses that I’m launching soon..One in particular is how to start your own self-pleasure practice. It’s self-guided and there are some video recordings and some tutorials on how to do that in the comfort of your own home.
Maryann 51:03
I love it. Sounds great. Thank you so much for being here. It was such a pleasure.
Gabriella 51:07
Thank you so much.
Outro 51:14
Thank you so much for tuning in to More Beautiful. Please visit Moreproject.com For show notes and bonus content. And it would mean so much if you could subscribe, rate and leave a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening. See you next week for another great conversation!
