The following is a transcript of this episode. It has been edited for clarity.
Maryann: So you got regrets, huh? Maybe you feel like you’ve made some mistakes along this journey called life. Well, today I talk to certified life coach and author Kwavi about how we can turn those so-called failures into learning opportunities and quash all that negative thinking that’s holding us back. And we’re going to explain why it’s not too late to start that company, find that romantic partner, or achieve whatever dream you have for yourself. And how are you going to start striving for it, right now? Welcome to More Beautiful, the podcast for women rewriting the midlife playbook. I’m Maryann LoRusso, and I invite you to join me and a guest each week as we strive for a life that’s more adventurous, more fulfilling, and more beautiful than ever before.
Maryann: Welcome to the More Beautiful podcast, Kwavi, it’s so nice to have you here.
Kwavi: Yay, I’m glad. Thank you so much for inviting me.
Maryann: And Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you had a good one.
Kwavi: Yes, I did. It was fun, thanks. How was yours?
Maryann: It was wonderful. I ate too much, of course. But you know, that’s what Thanksgiving is for. Well, you’re a life coach for women over 50, right? And while some of our audience maybe hasn’t reached that milestone birthday yet, I think everybody out there can relate to the idea of wanting change in their lives, especially as we approach a new year, and especially after the past couple of years we’ve all just lived through it. What kind of change are your clients seeking right now?
Kwavi: They vary. Some are just trying to get healthier, generally. Some of them are ready to, you know, start new goals. Some of them want to start new businesses, some of them are going back to school. And some of them are just working on themselves and showing up differently. So it varies.
Maryann: Yeah, a lot of women I know are restless right now at this age, maybe their kids are growing up fast, maybe the kids have left the house. Others have been doing the same thing for so long. Why do you think this is a pivotal moment for rediscovering yourself, at this age?
Kwavi: You know what, I really just think that this is just mother nature’s way of telling you, you know what, it’s time. You don’t have much time left, and so this is an opportunity for you to decide, OK, what am I really going to create in this next chapter of my life? Whether you have been a mother and your kids are getting older, whether you’re married or you’ve been in corporate, it’s just a time when you’re like, OK, what about me? I’ve had a lot of my clients ask that question. Like, I’ve done all these different things, I think it’s really my turn. But most of them don’t know where or how to begin, but they just have this almost yearning inside. Like, I want something different.
Maryann: Right, this yearning. I like the way you describe that. So, how do you know where to start? You know, you have the yearning, but where to begin?
Kwavi: Yeah, so most of the time, when my clients come to me with these questions, I ask them, I’m like, let’s just have a blank canvas. And I just want you to really go wild with your imagination, like, what are some of the things that you really want? And one of the questions I like to ask them—and it’s a very serious question—is, like, if you were to die right now, would you believe that all the things you have done so far are the things you wanted to do? What do you want your legacy to be? Like, when you leave this planet, what do you want to leave behind?
Maryann: Right. Do you find that those goals that they write down are like huge goals? Or are they small goals? Like what kinds of things?
Kwavi: They differ. Some of them really want to make an impact in the world, like, oh, there’s this charitable organization they want to create, some of them want to do that. Some of them want to start businesses, some of them just want to go back to school, because they want to be an example for their kids and grandkids. I had a client, she didn’t have a degree, and she wanted to go back to school to get a college degree. You know, she was in her 50s. And so some of them are just personal goals. Some of them are goals that impact other people. But one thing I do know about women is even when it’s a goal that they’re doing for themselves, it impacts people anyway. Like this lady going back to college, that impacts her children, that impacts the people around and that’s shown in the example for other people. Listen, it is not too late to go ahead and achieve your goals.
Maryann: Right. I like what you said about setting an example for your kids, because I don’t think anybody’s kids are going to benefit from watching their moms sit around, right? Or crying for them to come home.
Kwavi: No, it’s just not going to happen, no.
Maryann: Right. Well, do you believe in New Year’s resolutions?
Kwavi: My thing with resolutions is, it doesn’t have to be a new year to begin them. That’s my take. It’s almost like, I want to start a diet on Monday. No, you can start it right now. And for all of us, really, if you’re above 40, you don’t have much time left. You don’t know how much time you have. And when I say much time left, you don’t have much time to implement these goals of yours, right? And so let’s go ahead and start creating them, because we don’t know what’s going to happen. And I think that this is an amazing opportunity to do that. You don’t have to wait ‘till January 1. You can start next week, you can start today. And the question is, why not today? Like, why do you want to wait until January 1? Like why not now?
Maryann: Yeah, it’s still, you know, daunting sometimes for some people. That idea that it’s too late, right, don’t you hear that a lot?
Kwavi: Oh my goodness, I hear it so many times. It’s like, if I could collect money based on that statement, I would be rich. But the thing is, ‘it’s too late’ is more of a statement that has been pushed down your throat by other people, really, because when you really think about it, what does that really mean? It’s too late for what? You’re living, you’re breathing. Even if, you know, there’s no guarantee that the goal you’re striving for, you’ll be able to get to it or achieve it. But what is the harm in starting it? See, that’s the thing. It’s like that ‘it’s too late’ just kind of squashes everything. It’s like, ‘it’s too late’, you don’t even begin. Why not at least start?
Maryann: Right, so true. What are some of the ways that you motivate women to get started?
Kwavi: So one of the things I do is, when I speak with my clients, first of all, let’s make a decision, regardless. You can either do it or not, but I always tell them, the first thing you have to do is make a decision. And like the reasons why you’re making that decision. Don’t make a decision for your spouse, your kids, let’s make a decision for you. And once they make that decision, one of the things I tell all my clients, the difference between you achieving those goals, and the other people that haven’t ever, is consistency. That’s it, nothing else. Just know ahead of time, we’re going to be consistent. And there will be mistakes along the way, that’s guaranteed. But the difference is, some people make the mistake and they stop. I don’t want you to see the mistake as a reason to stop. Use it as a reason to say, OK, what is happening here? I’m gonna figure out this obstacle, find a way to get around it, and keep it moving. And that’s the difference. And what I do is I’m kind of like a guide, I keep you accountable, like, OK, why didn’t we do it? And I get you to start to think differently, like, OK, so you didn’t achieve it, you didn’t do what you’re supposed to do. Why? Because most times, the way you do one thing is how you do everything. And so we want to change the way you’re thinking so you can achieve your goals. So if you’ve noticed that whenever you get to an obstacle, you’re kind of like, you know what, this is too hard, that you kind of give up, let’s take a look at that. Like, what is too hard about this? You know? Or are you internally scared that you’re not even sure you can achieve this goal? So let’s take a look at everything and figure that out.
Maryann: That was my next question. Do you ever find that somebody comes to you and they say their goal is one thing, like, I want to change jobs, I want to lose weight, but you uncover that it’s something deeper?
Kwavi: Oh my goodness, so much. So like, the weight loss one is a very common one. Most times my clients come like, oh, I want to lose weight. I’m like, OK, let’s do it. And what we uncover is, this feeling of not being enough. It comes up a lot. Like, they just feel…and it happens a lot, because most of these women that come to me, most of them are retired, they’re no longer working. So they’re in this space where their value for so long was tied to what they did in the workplace, or what they did as a mother. And so now those are no longer there and they’re like, who am I? Do I exist? And that really is where the premise of being invisible comes from. Because I’ve had a lot of women say that they feel invisible. And that’s because they tie their worth to what they do. But the thing is, their work isn’t tied to that. They’re worthy regardless. And so with the weight loss, sometimes we see those times like, oh, I’m gonna be this once I lose weight, and I’m like, no, no, you’re already OK without losing the weight. And it’s not one or the other, you can be completely satisfied with the way you are and still strive for a goal. It’s not either or, and sometimes they feel like, I will only feel this way if I’m over there, like after I’ve achieved that goal. And I’m like no, you’re worthy regardless. And so sometimes we have to work on that internal programming, where they now believe that they’re not worthy because of this, this, and the other.
Maryann: This idea of invisibility and irrelevance is really strong. Like, people believe that.
Kwavi: Oh, they do, they really honestly believe that. And it doesn’t help that we live in a society that is youth obsessed and constantly shows us images that, you know what, you don’t matter. I mean, look around us. You see the ads. If they put us in ads—it’s mostly pharmaceutical ads—we don’t see ourselves. I mean, seriously, look on the TV, look on…We don’t see us. They’re always showing young people, you know, and nothing against young people, but we exist, and we want to see ourselves in images. But I tell women that I work with, like, we’re not going to go down that road. We’re not going to accept that story as ours, we’re going to show up for ourselves. And just, the more that we show up boldly and proudly in the way we are, the more that society will change. And it will also help the younger ones, because the younger ones have new examples to look at. I mean, when I was growing up, I didn’t see a lot of women in the 50s and 60s saying, you know, I can do this, I can do that. And so we can be the change in the world. I really believe that we can be the change that can help the younger generation, we can be the change that helps us.
Maryann: I agree. Do you remember when the only over-50 characters on television were, you know, the mom or the grandma, the frumpy, old woman sidekick?
Kwavi: Listen, even now, go on YouTube, go on Google, and just, you know, type in midlife. And you know, ultimately, once you type it in, midlife crisis comes up. And the images of women are frumpy, they’re wearing these long, you know, shapeless clothing. Those are the images. And so if you see that all the time, guess what’s going to happen? You’re going to start to believe it, right? Now, on the other hand, the men on there? Very different. The men look like George Clooney.
Maryann: Oh, seriously. Did you see the latest Bond movie? I mean…
Kwavi: That is it. And I’m like, why? So we have to be the change, because if we’re waiting for society, it’s not going to happen. We have to change this for ourselves, and I really believe we’re capable of doing that.
Maryann: And I’m starting to see it happen. I’m seeing more female producers and directors. For instance, that morning show produced by Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston. There are a lot of women characters over 40 in that show.
Kwavi: Nice, look at that!
Maryann: You know, I think when the women are creating the product, it’s totally different.
Kwavi: It is totally different, because we want to hear our voices, we have a different perspective. And I think that perspective is valuable.
Maryann: Yeah. So should mention to our listeners out there that you are absolutely adorable on Instagram and Tiktok. Dancing and moving, and you’re in shape, girl. I am so impressed. Lifting weights, doing push ups—I can’t do more than five push ups.
Kwavi: I’m trying, I’m trying.
Maryann: How many pushups can you do? I want to know, how many?
Kwavi: Probably maybe seven or eight. Push ups are tough for me.
Maryann: That’s really good.
Kwavi: I have done push up challenges where you have to increase them every day, but once it’s over, I’m done. Push ups are not my thing, I’m gonna be honest, not my thing.
Maryann: But I do want to ask you about that, like the mind body connection, right? Do you work with women on that?
Kwavi: Oh, yeah, it’s because they all flow together. In fact, recently, I’ve been doing a lot of research on the brain and how our brains change as we age. And guess what, a lot about what we eat, and, you know, movement, plays a big role in that. And so I’m encouraging all my clients. I’m like, I don’t care what you do, even if it’s 10 minutes, move your body. Like, your body craves movement. Let’s go do it for ourselves. And the thing is, I tell my clients all the time, I know they’ve been in roles where they’ve helped so many other people all these years, but I’m gonna have to tell you this. Nobody is coming to save you, and so you have to do this for yourself.
Maryann: Yeah, I wish I could get my teenager to do that. I move more than him.
Kwavi: [laughs]
Maryann: Yeah, let’s go back to midlife crisis for a second, because you brought up a really good point. I don’t believe in midlife crises. I think I believe in midlife transformation. What’s your take on that?
Kwavi: Oh, my goodness. Listen, I actually trademarked the word midlife thriving because I’m like, that crisis thing is not happening. I actually made a t-shirt that said midlife crisis and I crossed it out and put ‘thriving’ underneath.
Maryann: If you sell those, I want one. [Laughs]
Kwavi: Yes, yes. Because I really don’t believe that really exists. Like, why does it have to be a crisis? And then even when they say it’s a crisis, it’s damaging to women. It’s like, it’s all negative to me. Why? We have to change this. And we’re on the verge of doing it, because I’m seeing more women rising up and making changes. A couple of weeks ago, a woman sent me a message. She’s 51 years old, and she’s in her first year of medical school. I’m like, let’s go.
Maryann: That’s incredible. Wow.
Kwavi: Yeah. I mean, so I’m hearing more of those types of examples. And I want women to know that we are capable. So if you have that yearning inside where you’re like, you want to do it and you keep pushing it down, like oh, no, it’s not time or it’s too late, I said the time is now. Like, why not? Let’s go, let’s do it. We’re so capable. And I think sometimes we downplay, or we’re not even aware of how capable we are. And that’s one of the reasons why I have an online community. And one of the things we do, which I think is really helpful to all of them, is every week, we kind of post our three tasks. Like, okay, what are your top three tasks? So they post them. But every Friday, unfailingly, one of the things that we do is we celebrate our wins. Like, what have you accomplished this week? What are your top three wins? Because women, we don’t celebrate what we do. In fact, when people ask what you do, you’re like, oh, nothing. I’m like, seriously?
Maryann: We downplay so much.
Kwavi: Yeah, so much. It’s like, why are you downplaying your accomplishments?
Maryann: I totally agree. And also, I love the idea of that community, because you have other women supporting you, right? I mean, isn’t part of the recipe to have this community? Tell us what we could do for each other, to help each other.
Kwavi: First of all, when someone stands up and says she wants to do this, encourage her to do it, even if you’re scared, because that’s the thing. When you tell your family and friends, the only way they know how to cheer you on is if they’ve done it before. And if they have, they’re almost scared for you, so they’re protecting you. And they might say things like, are you sure you really want to do that? At your age? Do you think that’s, you know, a good idea? I mean, they scare you off, and then before you know it, you’re like, maybe I won’t do it. So when you’re in communities like this where everyone is like, you want to do that? Why not? You want to start a new business at 70 years old? Why not? I mean, I have a client of mine. She’s 63. She just started a new business. She’s selling her stuff on Etsy. I’m like, why not?
Maryann: That’s great. I do find that when one woman and a group of friends or community makes a change, it kind of trickles, right? There’s a trickle down effect. Other people, you’re right, may at first be skeptical. They may question, why are you doing this? Then they go home and think about it, right? And it kind of sinks in and they’re like, what about me? I could do this. And I see that. It’s contagious, right?
Kwavi: It is so contagious. I think that’s what women…Like, my goal is to impact a million women. Because I know that in doing that…because one woman impacts like 10, 20 people. That’s just how we are. Women don’t just rise up and kind of stay there alone by themselves. They don’t do that. When they rise up, they bring other women with them. That’s what we do.
Maryann: Right. You talk a lot on your Instagram about regret and how to live a regret proof life. We all have regrets. Everybody has regrets, right? How do you help women overcome those regrets, and to make sure they don’t make them in the future, right?
Kwavi: Yeah. And I like, OK, that was a learning opportunity. What did you learn from that? It didn’t work out, OK, what can you learn? And then moving forward, what’s going to be different? I think it’s important that we learn from our mistakes, we learn from those times, because if not, we’re going to do the same thing again. And so I tell them, OK, what can you learn from that? What would you like to do differently? I’ll give you an example. For me, when I make mistakes, I like to acknowledge them. Probably five years ago, I hosted the retreat. And so while I put out that I was going to host a retreat, did everything, no one signed up. Zero, like nobody. I was like, what? And I had all these goals, I’m like, I’m gonna really, you know, help these women transform and do all these different things. No one signed up. And so I had to go back to the drawing board. However, there was a part of me that knew that this was a great idea. I knew that women wanted this, women needed something like this. And so what I did was, I changed a few things. I put a longer timeframe in terms of when I put it out there and when the retreat was because I thought to myself, well, before, maybe it was too quick, women need more time. So OK, so I changed a few things, and the next year, it sold out. And then after that, I’ve been able to sell out my retreats. But the thing is, I could easily have said, OK, that wouldn’t work. Done. And so I want to encourage women, don’t just stop at that one. Do you know how many people have amazing things today that have failed repeatedly, and still kept on going? I just believe that women are just creatures. We do so many different things. So don’t let that little stumbling blocks say, oh, I’m not gonna do it. Try again. Really, seriously, try again.
Maryann: It’s the inner voice in your head, right, that says I’m not cut out for this. It’s the bad roommate in your head, right?
Kwavi: Always.
Maryann: But you’re right. And the fact that you have the resilience to say, I’m going to try this again, I’m going to try a new tactic. It’s the quashing of that voice, because that voice is horrific.
Kwavi: Oh my goodness. I tell my clients all the time, like that voice, just tell the voice to come along for the ride. Don’t let the voice drive. That voice can be in the passenger side, but not in the driver’s seat.
Maryann: I read somewhere that if you talk to yourself like he would talk to your children, it makes all the difference. Like would you say to your child, ah, that didn’t work, why don’t you give up? No one would say that.
Kwavi: No one would say that. It’s like, your child can do the same thing over and over again or you still kind of correct them and tell them, you know, OK, do it this way, do it that way. For ourselves, oh my goodness, the self judgment is like 100% real for ourselves. It’s like, the self judgment, it’s unbelievable. And so one of the things I also encourage my clients to do is drop the self judgment and replace it with self compassion, because we don’t do that for ourselves.
Maryann: Right, right. Compassion, that’s so true. Talk to your little child, the child within you. Because a lot of us didn’t get didn’t get parented in the ideal way, right? So we don’t know how to talk to ourselves.
Kwavi: Yeah. And so we have this opportunity to do things differently. This is one of the changes we can make for ourselves.
Maryann: And in terms of going forward, how to make sure you don’t have regrets in the future, you’re saying just do it, right? just do what you want to do.
Kwavi: Yeah, just do it. And I think also, too, just think about it. Like, if you have goals that you want to achieve, I say go for them now. Like, quit saying, oh, I’ll do it when this happens. See, that waiting and wishing game, no one wins, nobody wins. So let’s just go ahead and just do it.
Maryann: Yeah, so what so what if you know what you want, you want to go after it, but you’re stuck, like you don’t know where to start? Are there a couple little things you could recommend to our listeners?
Kwavi: Yeah. So what I can say is, depending on what it is, maybe you need some help. Seek out a life coach or business coach or somebody who can help you along. Or if you want to try it yourself, do the research. But I tell you one thing, take it one step at a time. Because sometimes you can get overwhelmed if you’re like, oh, I’m gonna do all of this at one time. Don’t do that. Most times that can just overwhelm you. When you get overwhelmed, most people when they feel overwhelmed, they do nothing. And so I don’t want you to be in that state of mind. And it’s like, it’s almost like you get confused. And I always say a confused mind does nothing. And so what you want to do is figure out the first step. And when you do those steps, celebrate the small wins along the way. Don’t wait for it to be like, everything has happened. Because guess what? You might burn out before then. I did some research—one of the things that helps you to prevent burnout is celebrating your small wins along the way. So even if it’s just like, oh, you know what, I was able to do this little task today, celebrate it. And then just keep on going, step by step. But what I would definitely suggest is, look at the overall project that you’re working on, and certainly separate them into small chunks, divide them into small chunks. And as you go along and you’re achieving themm celebrate yourself for sure.
Maryann: Yeah. Do you have any other stories of women that have just done amazing things? I mean, I don’t know what beats the woman in medical school. That’s insane.
Kwavi: I know, right? The other woman that I know of, she was…Within my community, I get stories, and then people from, you know, just kind of send me stories, too. There’s another lady, she started a business at 67. And she retired at 87. I mean, new business. I’m like, listen. I’m like, we can do this. Why not? And I want to say one thing. Sometimes people think, oh, those people are special, they have some…I’m just going to tell you, we’re all special. There is nothing more special about you than anyone else. We can all do this.
Maryann: I agree. You know, the thing that overwhelms me, though, is social media. And you do it so well. I know a lot of women who come to me and they say, I have a business. I don’t know how to use social media, or I know it, but that’s not my thing, I hate putting myself out there. It’s hard to put yourself out there, right? What are some ways to overcome that?
Kwavi: It’s, you know, it’s just really the first step. It is hard. But I think one of the things is just knowing that, you know, there are going to be people out there that might not like what you have to say, there are people that are going to love what you have to say. But the thing is, if you listen to the ones that don’t, the people that love what you have to say are not going to have that opportunity. And it’s step by step. For some people, video is like, oh…then start with just a post, because a post, you don’t really have to put your picture out there, just posting, right? That’s the first step. Then you can kind of graduate to video after that, but you know, just start posting.
Maryann: Baby steps. Were you ever shy, Kwavi?
Kwavi: OK, so all right, so this is the thing. Like video and all that stuff, that’s my thing. Like, even from a smart young child, I used to be on TV and all that. So that’s easy for me. Yeah, but you know, there are other things that, you know, kind of overwhelm me. So yeah, we all have our things that we love and some things that we’re like, ugh, OK.
Maryann: OK, I have to hear now. I have to hear why you were on TV. I just need to know that before you go on.
Kwavi: No, it was a children’s show. So, yeah. I was much younger.
Maryann: Oh, wow. You have experience being on air.
Kwavi: Yes, I’ve always done like, like…even in elementary school. I guess the teachers kind of helped me with that, they kind of noticed that in me. Whenever they would have plays and things or they wanted someone to narrate a story, they always called upon me. And I was like, OK, I’ll do it. So that area comes easy to me. Now, what didn’t come easy to me was writing a book. Because I wrote a book, and after I published the book, I didn’t tell anyone.
Maryann: What? Really? How come?
Kwavi: I don’t really know, I guess I was scared. And I wrote the book, I was really excited. I mean, I’ve been trying to write a book for 10 years. So yeah, it’s been a while coming. And so last year during the pandemic, I’m like, you know, I want to write this book, this is a great time, I was really excited about writing the book. And I was more excited because I was writing a book that was different, like I was writing a book that allowed women to take action while writing the book. Because I, you know, I love to read, but sometimes I read the book, and I get all excited, and once I put the book down it’s done. And so I said, you know, I’m going to write a book that’s different, that will help women take action while they’re reading the book. And so I finished writing the book…I was all excited, published it, put it out there. And then nothing. I didn’t say a word. And then probably two weeks after I wrote the book…
Maryann: [Laughs]
Kwavi: I know, right? After I wrote the book, my writing coach reached out to me, she’s like, well, we’re having this book fair. And we’d love for you to read your book, and record yourself and send it in. I was like, OK, but I don’t have my book. And she’s like, why don’t you have your book? She’s like, you haven’t ordered your books? I’m like, no. This is the fear. I didn’t even want to order the book. It was almost like if I didn’t order it, it wasn’t real.
Maryann: OK, now at least I know you’re human. You’re not superhuman. You do have some insecurities.
Kwavi: Yes, we all do. Seriously, we all do.
Maryann: So you’re sitting there, you have this beautiful book written, all written. And you’re terrified to put it out there at first.
Kwavi: Yeah. And it’s interesting, because the book was published on June 15. And I will tell you, go look on Amazon, when it was published. The first purchase was probably like, end of June, because I didn’t tell anyone. And so after I told my coach that, she’s like, OK, Kwavi, why did you write this book? And as soon as she said that, something clicked, I was like, oh, I know why I wrote this book. And then right there and then, like probably after she hung up, I called a friend of mine. She’s like, in TV. I’m like, OK, you know what, we’re doing a book launch. And it was like, you know, after that it just went on. But I looked back on that process, and I think what was happening to me was full blown imposter syndrome. Because it felt like to me, a book was, like, almost like a new outfit for me. And it didn’t fit quite right. And I just said, OK, I’m not wearing this, I’m putting it aside. I just didn’t want to wear it, and that’s what it was. But then when my writing coach asked me that question, why did you write the book, it’s like, right then I was like, OK, you know what, this book is not about me. It’s about the women that I want to impact through this book. And right after that, I was like, OK, let’s go.
Maryann: It’s so great you say that. Well, first of all, I’m glad you finally celebrated your own accomplishment. And it probably gives you so much fodder when you’re dealing with your clients, because you can tell them something relatable. But I want to say what you said about having a mission or an intention, that is so true, Kwavi. Like, when I start to feel like I’m going astray—why am I doing this, it’s so silly, you know, what’s the point? I have this little mission that I wrote, and it’s on my desktop, and I just read it and I feel 100% better. Kind of, it pulls you back.
Kwavi: See? Can you tell us what it is?
Maryann: I don’t have it memorized, but it’s basically like, I’m doing this to inspire, to uplift…
Kwavi: Exactly. That’s it.
Maryann: To make women over 40 feel relevant. I mean, it’s all that stuff you mentioned.
Kwavi: And I think that’s the importance. It’s like knowing that, because I mean, there’s lots of women that work with me, but there’s thousands that don’t. Like, I just get excited when I get messages from women, like, you know, what you just shared today just inspired me to do this, this and that. And that is just like, I jump for joy when I get messages like that.
Maryann: Me too. And that’s another great point. Because I know a lot of women who are sitting there, and they’re saying, I’m alone, like it’s hard to make friends, it’s hard to find friends in my age group. As soon as I went on Instagram and started kind of interacting in this space, I have met so many incredible people.
Kwavi: Thank you. That’s it. That’s how I met you. It’s like, listen, it’s amazing. And I think what we have to do—and I think Tony Robbins talks about this also—it’s like you have to get out of your own head. It’s not about you. Once you kind of let that go. It’s like you’re open for so many things, amazing things in your life.
Maryann: Right. So I’m going to tell everybody out there, read her book, leave her a review, because she’s not going to push it.
Kwavi: [Laughs]
Maryann: I hope you are now, I hope now you’re pushing that book now.
Kwavi: Thank you, thank you.
Maryann: Well, I hope everybody out there…I mean, I hope next year is an opportunity for more people to live their dreams, right?
Kwavi: Yeah. Actually, to be honest with you, I think with what we’ve been through, this is an opportunity for you to just decide and just do it. Because we don’t know what’s out there, you know? We don’t. And so just go ahead and start whatever it is. Just go ahead and start. I give you permission to go out there and do it. Because I know some of you are like, oh, I’m not sure. Just give yourself permission. And I’m encouraging you from far out, just like, go ahead, just go do it. Because you know what’s gonna happen? Once you start to do this, the feeling you experience is priceless. Really, it is.
Maryann: Yeah. I love that feeling. All right.
Kwavi: It is, it’s amazing. It’s like you’re on a high, really. A natural high.
Maryann: Yeah. And there’s no one better to give you that high than yourself, right? It’s not dependent on another person, and any circumstances, right?
Kwavi: No, because let’s be honest, people will disappoint you. That’s how humans are. And so, do it for yourself. Just do it for yourself.
Maryann: And is there anything else? I’m trying to think, did we forget to talk about anything?
Kwavi: No, I just want to let women know that, you know what, those thoughts in your head will be there. But however, not all of them are true. Just realize that. Not all of them are true. So you get to decide whether it’s beneficial to you or not. Don’t let them pull you down.
Maryann: Do you believe in affirmations?
Kwavi: Oh, yes, I do. Oh, yes. I believe in affirmations for sure. Oh, yeah.
Maryann: Is there a good reason to write your own, or did you tap into some other ones?
Kwavi: I tell women to just find what lights you up. And if you can’t find an affirmation that is like on that, you know, along that path, create one for yourself, you know? But I really believe in affirmations, I really believe in uplifting yourself with words. Words are powerful, they really are. And looking for words that uplift you, and encourage you, you know, to help you start off the day…like some affirmations, you start off with, you’re like, wow, like you can conquer the world.
Maryann: Oh, I remember what I wanted to ask you about. When you feel like things are spinning, when the self doubt kicks in, do you have any recommendations for clients, how to get centered? Do you believe in yoga, meditation? Like what’s your thing?
Kwavi: So yeah, so my thing is, I like to tell them to breathe. You know, get into that breathing. Because when you breathe, it’s like you’re taking your focus away from all of that self doubt, and you’re allowing a certain type of energy to kind of infuse you, which kind of changes almost like your being. And then you can go back to it. And I believe in the power of journaling. Like, when those self doubts come up, let’s start to journal. Let’s write down all our thoughts. Because sometimes, you know, our thoughts are not really true. So when you get it out on paper, you can start to look and say, OK, this, this, oh, this doesn’t, no…Because journaling is like pouring out your mind onto paper.
Maryann: Yeah, it’s a very powerful tool. I love it.
Kwavi: Oh, it is so powerful. Oh my god, I daily journal. That is how you get to know your own thoughts. It’s almost like I’m watching myself, when I start to journal. Like I’ve become the watcher of my thoughts when I write things down.
Maryann: Yeah, I like the idea of a gratitude journal, because it’s so easy to forget what you should be grateful for. It’s easy to remember what you don’t have, but not so easy to remember all the things you do have.
Kwavi: Yeah, it’s the same thing when women look in the mirror. They look at the flaws first, we just do that. It’s like our mind is kind of drawn to that. And so we have to intentionally decide that, you know what, I’m gonna look at myself and think about all the wonderful things about me.
Maryann: That’s beautiful, I love that. Thank you so much for talking to me today, it was so much fun.
Kwavi: Oh, you’re welcome.
Maryann: Good luck with the book, and good luck with…When is your next retreat?
Kwavi: Oh, my next retreat is in Savannah. So I have one in Savannah, I have one in St. Maarten in May, and then I have one in Greece in September.
Maryann: And if anybody out there wants to sign up or learn more about them, should they go to your Instagram? Why don’t you plug your information?
Kwavi: So they should go to my website, www.Kwavi.com, and you’ll see all the list of my retreats there. And then I’ll also…You probably have it in your show notes, so they can click on it also.
Maryann: Absolutely, yep. All right. I told you I’m going to sign up for one of them sometime next year. It’ll be fun. Well, thank you and enjoy the rest of your holiday weekend.
Kwavi: Thank you. All right, take care. Thank you so much. And thank you for everyone that listened. Take care.
