The following is a transcript of this episode. It has been edited for clarity.
Hey listeners, are you ready to date yourself? Here are some questions that people over a certain age only can answer…Ready?
Who shot JR?
What radio program did Casey Kasem host?
What two television characters got into a cat fight in a lily pond—and, in the process, got their massive shoulder pads twisted in a bunch?
Who get their money for nothing and their chicks for free?
What soap opera couple hid out in a department store because they were on the run from a mobster?
How many times did you join and then cancel the BMG music club?
Name three of the biggest music superstars of the 1980s.
I’m gonna get to the answers in just a minute, but first, I need to tell you that this show is going to be a little different from previous shows, in fact, a little extra fun, because it’s sort of a two-for-one deal. First, I’m gonna talk about how our generation was the very last to experience a monoculture–and what that means for us and for subsequent generations. And later in the show, I’m going to be chatting with a very special guest, the winner of the More Beautiful “Name that 80s Song” competition, about all things music and midlife. But before any of that, right after we get back, we’re gonna get the answers to those pop questions, so stick around.
Welcome to More Beautiful, the podcast for women rewriting the midlife playbook. I’m Maryann LoRusso and invite you to join me and a guest each week as we strive for a life that’s more adventurous, more fulfilling, and more beautiful than ever before.
OK, so I don’t now about you guys, but not only do I know that Casey Kasem hosted the Top 40 Countdown show, but in my head I can still hear his velvety smooth radio voice announcing all the songs that made the weekly charts. It’s like these days, I have no idea what’s in the top 40. Is there even a top 40? I think Billboard now has a Top 100, but I would be shocked if 10 percent of Americans even knew what was on that list..But we’ll get into that topic a bit later.
As far as the other questions go, let’s dive into them.
Who shot JR? Well, many of you know that J.R. Ewing was a main character in the wildly popular television show Dallas, which ran in the late 70s/early 80s. In the final episode of the 1979–80 season, J.R., an oil tycoon played by Larry Hagman, was shot by an unknown assailant. This was the first ever TV cliffhanger, and viewers had to wait, for the first time, until the next season—specifically eight months later–to find out that JR’s sister-in-law and mistress Kristin Shepard, played by actress Mary Crosy, was the one who shot him. That November episode where the attempted assassin was revealed was watched by 83 million American viewers—and at the time, was the most watched TV episode in history…..
OK, the ladies who got into a cat fight in a lily pond? They were, of course, Alexis Colby and Crystal Carrington of the hit show Dynasty. This was not the first time the socialites, played by Joan Collins and Linda Evans, got into a physical altercation. Their brawls, in fact, became such a hallmark of the series that bars across America would hold catfight nights, playing a compilation of the throwdowns in a loop. Crazy, right?
The soap opera couple who hid in a department store? Of course, they were Luke and Laura, who made General Hospital one of the most watched daytime shows in history. I mean, my friends and I would literally run home from school to watch, and literally everyone I know was watching, and there was even a pop song that came out about General Hospital.
Who gets their money for nothing and their chicks for free? Rock stars, of course…at least according to the moving guy characters in the Dire Straits video for the song “Money for Nothing,” on which Sting makes an appearance. He sings the signature falsetto introduction, background vocals and chorus “I want my MTV.”
As far as that BGM music club goes, we all knew about it because they sent promotions to every household in America. And if that 12-for-the-price-of-one record club seemed too good to be true, that’s because it was. You had to cancel before they started billing you $20 a month—remember?–which was a lot of money for a teenager back then.
Finally, when it came to naming the biggest pop stars, we could all do it. Because we all listened to the same radio stations, we all shopped at the same record stores, we all watched the same TV shows and read the same magazines—which featured the same limited number of celebrities. If we were into something different, it was only because we were super cool and were into so-called alternative music, remember?
We were all part of this monoculture. This common culture, this shared culture that really tied generations together. The monoculture is what enables most Gen Xers, for example, to all know the answers to most of the questions I posed. To sing along together to the biggest hits of their youth, and to recite lines from our generation’s most popular films. This is something subsequent generations will know less and less about.
Remember how we ALL got up early together to watch Lady Diana marry Prince Charles on live television? We all saw at least two John Hughes movies in a theater. We all tuned into MTV’s weekly music video premieres—at the same time. When we felt like watching a movie, we opened the newspaper to see what was playing at the local theater, the same way we flipped through the TV guide to find out what was on TV. And the next day, we were able to talk about all of it with one another at school or work.
Because we were all plugged in to the same culture.
NPR recently did a story on the 20th anniversary of the Beyonce and Jay Z song “Crazy In Love,” which went straight to number one in July 2003 and stayed there for eight weeks. It was the song of the summer, according to NPR host Brittany Luse. She said, “For a certain generation, the song of the summer was tradition. We anticipated it. We craved it. We hated it. But we all did it together. The music, the video, the fashion that came from it…it all became part of our collective culture.” From that song, Beyonce became a huge star. For months afterward, girls were emulating her look from the video: white tank top and jean shorts. Everybody knew the words to that song. It was a cultural phenomenon.
Now, 20 years later, we have a fractured media landscape. We no longer have communal experiences like that, because we’re all plugged into our own highly individualized realities. It’s the Airpod age. How we can consume music and films and television and books has changed drastically. We’re all curating our own experiences: listening to our own playlists and selecting our own television shows and films and books from a much, much larger pool of creators than ever before.
We longer stand around the water cooler asking one another, “Did you see what happened last night?” Instead, we ask, “What are you watching right now?” Because there are so many choices.
Also, the music industry no longer knows how to create a megastar like a Beyonce, or any of the numerous megastars that came before her. Because there were fewer of them, artists were able to cultivate long careers and assemble bodies of work that would stay relevant for decades to come. Taylor Swift is one of the last major artists who has accomplished that. She can play an entire set of songs that many people know, and she can probably keep playing for decades to come. NPR said that Olivia Rodrigo may be the only major pop star to come out of Gen Z, and that may be true.
In the future, will artists be able to fill a music stadium? Will we no longer have that experience of 50,000 people collectively singing along to a song that everybody knows, and sharing this experience together? Or will music festivals, where visitors curate their own experience, be even more prevalent? Will it become impossible to award Emmies and Oscars because there is just too much content out there? Will it become difficult for schools to find books that are culturally relevant to an entire student body? What artists and material will rise to the top? And will we ever have another song of the summer?
I don’t know, you guys, but I do know that I am incredibly grateful to have experienced a monoculture, as flawed as it was, because it ties me to all you beautiful people and connects me to my fabulous generation in ways that, unfortunately, subsequent generations may never truly understand.
Transition Music…
Thanks for listening to my thoughts on how music and culture have evolved. But I don’t want you to go away just yet, because I have a special guest joining us in just a minute. For those of you who don’t follow @morebeautifulproject on Instagram—which you absolutely should—a few weeks ago, we held a “Name That ‘80s Song” music contest. We posted snippets of five different songs and you had to name each song and its artist, and a lovely woman named Monique Cupid won the contest. And what’s even more amazing is that Monique happens to be in the midlife space doing work right alongside me and so many other women who are trying to rewrite the midlife playbook. OK, I’m gonna bring Monique on right now…
Maryann: Monique, hi there. It is so great to meet you! Congratulations for winning More Beautiful Project’s “Name That ’80s Song” Contest. How are you?
Monique: I’m good, thank you! And I’m so excited that I won the contest. I had no idea I would be the winner. That was great.
Maryann: Monique, I was just ruminating about the fact that many of us who grew up before the digital age share a common culture, right? Because we all watched the same shows, we listened to a lot of the same music…Whereas today, every one of us is plugged into our own devices. And we sort of curate our own culture. So I would love to know, how old were you in the 80s, if you don’t mind telling us, and what kind of music did you listen to back then? Who were some of your favorite artists?
Monique: I was preteen when the 80s really took off. The radio stations I listened to were like Z-100 pop, in the New York metro area.
Maryann: I grew up with that radio station.
Monique: OK, cool yeah. Are you from New York?
Maryann: I am. I’m a native New Yorker. I’ve been living in the Bay Area for 20 years. But I grew up in New York.
Monique: I wasn’t sure if you would know that station. That’s great. So yeah, Z-100 was my intro to all the dance music happening back then. I loved the music videos back in the day.
Maryann: MTV?
Monique: Yes, yes. Definitely MTV. I tried to audition for Club MTV in my late teens…junior year of high school. I didn’t make it, but that’s OK. It was fun.
Maryann: That’s really cool. I love that. You know, I was reading this article about the fact that neuroscientists are actually saying that the music we listened to when we were teenagers sticks in our brains more than music we hear any other time of life. I thought that was so fascinating. [The music we heard in our adolescence] has a disproportionate power over our emotions. But [these days I also] love listening to new music, discovering new artists, going to concerts. Are you the same way? Are you always like looking for new stuff to listen to?
Monique: Yes. I totally like to change it up and hear new sounds. But when I hear the first three bars or some 80s music, I don’t care what genre it is, I’m always like, “Oh!”
Maryann: Makes you want to get up and dance, right?
Monique: Yeah, but at the same time, you know, just me as a person, I like to try new things and discover new things and hear new sounds. So I’m into underground music as well as pop music, different cultural music. I like to be well rounded in that aspect of my life. But music from the 80s definitely boosts a ton of serotonin and dopamine in my body every time I hear it.
Maryann: That’s so cool. My mom has Alzheimer’s. I talk about that a lot on the show. She’s in a nursing home and every time they put on music, especially from the time when she grew up, she just seems younger and happier. It’s incredible.
Monique: It was less weight of the world on you back then. For me, if anything was bothering me, it was music that I would rely on to help me get through it. If I was happy, it was music that helped me celebrate it. So really for every emotion that I was expressing or dealing with at the time, music was just there. It was my backdrop, my core to go to and just get through it and just celebrate. That’s
Maryann: So cool. I got to go to the Grammy Awards this year. Just sheer luck. Somebody invited me and I husband and it was like the only time I probably will ever go to something like that. And when they did that hip hop tribute…I don’t know if you watched, but the traced the [past 50 years of hip hop]. Everybody in our age group was just out of their seats.
Monique: I think I did see that. And it does does make you just jump up and just start reminiscing. And not even just reminiscing of the time but reminiscing about how you felt and how your body just kicks back into what it was used to doing [when you first experienced] that song or that sound. And yeah, it was a really great time for music.
Maryann: What’s your favorite music to listen to now? I know you said you like a lot of different genres, but what’s your go-to when you really just want to put on your headphones and chill?
Monique: Lately, I have not really been playing a lot of it’s just more podcast things or, you know, just, I haven’t played a lot of music in my house. And when I do play music, I I do have a record player. So when I play music, I put on the old music that I used to listen to, because music helps boosts my dopamine and makes me feel good. I tend to put on old-school albums from the 80s.
Maryann: I have a record player too. I love that vinyl is like back.
Monique: I know, but they’re so expensive now. Like $35 for a vinyl record!
Maryann: I know. It’s ridiculous. Do you remember something called BMG Music Club. Did you ever [enroll] in it?
Monique: Oh, the cassette club, right?
Maryann: It was a vinyl or cassette, you got to choose. [They gave you] those little stickers and you [used them to select] 13 records for like a penny.
Monique: Yes, yes. Yes, we had those too. And those were kind of dangerous. Because you know how it was. One every month you’re free, right? Like, I just got a bunch of free tapes here. And those were good because you got to experience a lot of different [music] and stock up on your favorites. But yeah, I was definitely into that.
Maryann: Now it’s just so easy, because you’d have Spotify and everything at your fingertips.
Monique: Yeah, and every type of music. There are so many underground groups that you just don’t realize…Like before, we had no access to it. You either had to know somebody who was in it and or you went to a club or a bar and experienced this band you never heard of. But now you just plug into any genre…and get [thousands] of artists that that bill. So it’s cool, but overwhelming at the same time.
Maryann: I agree. And that’s what I wonder what my kids like are gonna say to each other. Like if they bump into somebody their age and 20 years, they’re not going to have anything in common. I’m going to switch gears because something that I want everybody out there to know is that you are also working in the midlife space right? You’re spreading awareness about menopause and aging well and you’re inspiring women to live their best midlife. I’m so excited about that. Tell us a little bit about your brand, which is called Midlife Glow Chaser, and your mission.
Monique: Midlife Glow Chaser is not about you not having the glowing and chasing after it. It’s like, you have that glow already. But you’re just keeping it full. So whenever you know you have that, that life, that energy, whatever that is that joy that keeps you happy and keeps you going. You have that but every time you use it up, so every time you you experienced that joy, you release some and then you fill back up with another one. So with more so whatever that is because it’s it could be something adventurous. It could be something as simple as self care. It could be simple as you know, listening to the music that you like, but whatever it is, you’re making sure that you keep that cup full. So midlife glow chaser is just all about maintaining that level of energy and glow.
Introduction 19:45
I love that and you I think you’re glowing. They can’t see you but your
Unknown Speaker 19:49
girl Thank you.
Speaker 3 19:53
So we’re you know how you look 29 But you do
Speaker 2 19:57
know nananana now They have, I always have an age because I’m like, I don’t want to be 20 my like, I love that I am 52 Like, I love being in a space, I love where I am, what I look like, and, and not to compare myself to any one younger, you know, but I appreciate it. But that’s just something I have to get used to. And I be like, Don’t compare me to a 29 year old. Because if you put me next to a
Speaker 3 20:29
two year old, so it’s like, please don’t do that. Just just say, Wow,
Unknown Speaker 20:33
you look fabulous. You’re
Unknown Speaker 20:35
right. You’re right. And you know, I
Introduction 20:37
totally agree with you in that I feel my best ever. Like I don’t mind being 50 More In fact, I really like it. Yeah, you know?
Speaker 2 20:45
Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Good. Looks amazing. Yeah.
Maryann: So we’re enjoying it. We’re out here working this age and loving it. And I think that’s terrific. Okay, so Monique, you are involved in an organization called is your organization called Life in the pause, and you had a festival? Can you tell us a little bit about what that festival was like and what went down in New York,
Monique: Life in the Pause festival took place October 7, and we wanted to really kick off World Menopause Month. The purpose of the organization and the event is that life continues, you can still thrive in midlife. And through menopause, the pause is really making that conscious decision to choose to be positive and to look forward to ascending and evolving…For me personally, I did have a pause moment when I turned 50. I didn’t know what I was gonna do. I felt like I was floating in a bowl of Jello. I swear I thought I knew what I was going to do up until 49, I was just so excited to see 50 and to do my thing. And then once I got there, it was a major pause. And that’s when I had to do the work to [figure out] what it was that I wanted to do. What is it? How do I want it to look like? And how can I achieve that? So during that time, that’s when I was doing my my work and my research. And then I figured out that this is where I want to go, this is where I want to be. It helped me shift out of that mode, and evolve into this partnership that I have with my partner, Dixie, and creating Life in the Pause and the festival. And the major second point of the festival is about celebration. We felt that the narrative around menopause was just doom and gloom. If you don’t have the resources and the community to help you get through it, when you’re looking at it from afar, you’re kind of dreading it, right? Yes, there are some challenges with menopause. But at the same time, you can embrace it and celebrate it because there’s so much more that goes with it. You can still thrive through through all of this, you can still be who you are, you can still go after your goals and dreams.
Maryann: I’m so happy that so many people like you are out there talking about this. We are the first generation that’s out there breaking these taboos. We’re discussing [menopause], and I feel like the younger generations are really lucky because we broke through that for them. And they’re gonna get access to all this information that maybe we didn’t have, our mothers and grandmothers didn’t talk about. Tell me, Monique: For you personally, what’s been the most challenging aspect of being a woman in midlife? I know, you talked about feeling a little stuck when you reached 50. That’s so common. Was there anything else that was challenging for you?
Monique: To release what no longer served me. And the minute I understood that and practice it, there was so much freedom that came that I was just like, Oh, this feels good. Like this feels so good that I just need to be aware of what’s holding me back. On the flip side, knowing that I have the power to change. Sometimes you just go with the flow of things. I have a habit of going with the flow of things and not really paying attention to how it’s affecting me. And once I realized what the issues and challenges were—whether it was a relationship with my husband, friends, co-workers or children—I [realized that some of it] I couldn’t control. Once I realized that I learned to just release it, and let things be and take power in the things that I can control within me. Because I’m the one who has to change through all of that. It may be a challenge for me to to handle what someone is presenting to me. I can only control myself and make it easier for myself. That’s been so liberating.
Maryann: I think once you realize that, it releases you from everybody else’s BS. And you just say look, I can walk away. I can stay. It’s up to me.
Monique: Right, exactly.
Maryann: What do you want younger women to know about being in midlife? For you, what’s been the most positive aspect?
Monique: Honestly, I say the freedom. The weekend before the event, I was getting really giddy about the words midlife and menopause. Like I was so happy, so excited. It’s all about the freedom and openness to change and having the power to change and really understanding and knowing that you own that power at this time in your life. So if you’re apprehensive in your 30s or not aware of it in your 30s, trust and believe the minute you understand that during this time, it’s, like you say, so liberating. I love that I can conquer anything.
Maryann: I love that. OK, just for everybody out there, I gotta say something funny. So when Monique and I got on this zoom, our volume was messed up. So I haven’t been able to hear her very well for most of the conversation. But the volume just suddenly came back on, Monique. I can hear you again! So you don’t have to hold the mic to your lips anymore.
Monique: I don’t?
Maryann: I don’t know what happened. But I got you back…And my gosh, it’s been such a pleasure talking with you. I love the work that you’re doing. Tell everybody out there where they can find you if they want to look you up online.
Monique: You can find me on Instagram @themidlifeglowchaser. You can also connect with me and my new passion, which is @lifeinthepause, on Instagram as well. And the website is www.lifeinthepause.com. We’re definitely going to have another event next year.
Maryann: I’d love to fly out for the next one.
Monique: Oh, that sounds great. We would love to have you and you know, if we come to California we will definitely hit you up there.
Monique: Yeah, please look me up if you come out here. I would love to meet you in person!
Maryann: Well, thank you so much for entering the contest, for doing what you do, and for being on the show and chatting with me today. I really appreciate it.
Monique: Thank you so much, and I love what you’re doing.
Outro: Thank you so much for tuning in to More Beautiful. Please visit Morebeautifulproject.com For show notes and bonus content. And it would mean so much if you could subscribe, rate and review on Apple podcasts or wherever you’re listening. Together, let’s continue to change the conversation around aging.
