The following has been edited for clarity.
Intro: If you’re feeling ambivalent about getting older or powerless because of the changes you’re going through, then you are going to love this episode. This week’s guest is Emmy winning journalist Tamsen Fadal, who is on a mission to educate and inspire women in midlife. During our candid conversation. Tamsen and I talk about so many things. How losing her mom when she was young affected how she feels about aging. How menopause totally took her by surprise. Why her 50th year was a roller coaster ride, how she survived divorce and found love again in midlife, and why she’s using her platform to help women over 40 live more boldly than ever before.
Welcome to More Beautiful, the podcast for women rewriting the midlife playbook. I am Maryann LoRusso and I invite you to join me and a guest each week as we strive for a life that’s more adventurous, more fulfilling and more beautiful than ever before.
Welcome back, everyone, to the More Beautiful Podcast. I am thrilled to welcome Tamsen Fadal, an Emmy award winning journalist, author, philanthropist and pro-aging advocate. Some of you know her as the evening news anchor for WPIX in New York, where I think she has just stepped out of the studio. Tamsen, welcome. It is so great to have you on the show, especially since you have so many other things you could be doing right now—like taking a cat nap.
Tamsen: Oh, no, I love these conversations. Thanks for having me.
Maryann: Now, since turning 50 Last year, you’ve become what you describe as a champion for women in their prime. I love that. You’re also doing a podcast called Coming Up Next, which is all about inspiring us to live boldly and embracing our next act. What motivated you to get into this space and become a cheerleader for us ladies in midlife?
Tamsen: You know, I think we do everything we need to for ourselves and our journey, right? But I realized there were so many incredible women out there doing amazing things in terms of changing the story and figuring out their next chapter. And I found myself kind of in this space at one point, right before I was about to turn 50, [asking], what am I supposed to do with my life? What am I supposed to do next? So I started putting on my journalist hat to figure out who was out there and what amazing things they were doing. And I was seeing people make big changes, changes in their career, changes in their relationship, changes in their body. And I thought, this is an incredible time, a time where many of us are often afraid, myself included, very afraid of things. And then I was seeing so many people being bold, and that got me excited. I thought I needed to spread that message and it’s been so interesting.
Maryann: You lost your mom when she was only 50. I’m so sorry. I think I told you that I lost my dad when he was only 46. Did experiencing that devastating loss when you were young have an impact on how you grew up thinking about aging? Were you afraid of aging?
Tamsen: Definitely. I luckily I still have my father. But my mother was my best friend. And it was really difficult growing up and knowing I was going into my 50s, but not really having seen a role model past that age. My mom got sick when she was 44 years old, she had breast cancer. And she she battled that for a number of years with one surgery after another. So when I was rounding, like 49, I started getting very afraid of not only the normal things that we get afraid of right when we’re going to turn 50. I think anytime you live past the age when one of your parents died…there’s a lot of fear involved. There are a lot of different ways that I know [my mother’s death] changed my life. I don’t think tomorrow’s ever promised. And I’m appreciative every time my father picks up the phone now and I can still talk to him. I think that when we say things like “One day, I’m gonna…” [we need to remember that] this is our one day, this is our Sunday. And we have to be grateful for it because we don’t know if we’re gonna be here if the next one. So I think that my mom’s death hardened me a little bit, which I think happens when you’re younger and you lose a parent. But it also really made me more appreciative of where I am right now. So, I’m 51 years old and I talk a lot about age because I think it’s something important. I think it’s something that’s very different than when my parents were turning 50. I feel like I have a whole new lease on life for another however many years and I think that that’s exciting.
Maryann: Was it surreal for you when you turned 50, the age your mom was when she died? How did you feel at that time?
Tamsen: Yeah, it was. It was it was a combination of a lot of different things. It was the fact that I had just gotten a biopsy myself, because they had seen a lump and they wanted to check it out. So that was all kind of in the same year. I was in the middle of menopause. So that was on top of it. And I wound up getting married at the end of turning 50. So [that year] was a roller coaster. An unbelievable year. I look back now and I think, wow, my mom was so young when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was 44 years old, and she never got to see us grow up. I get sad a lot about that, about the fact that she died so young, because to me now 51 seems really young, right? I’m sure you understand that too. It’s hard not to wonder what [my mom and your dad] would have been like in their 70s and 80s. I wonder [what my mom] would have been like now, what she would be telling me to appreciate. And I wonder how I’ve grown up differently, because I think I might have approached middle age a little bit differently [if she had not died so young].
Maryann: When I turned 47, I celebrated. I was so relieved that I had passed that horrible age at which my father had died. I celebrate life now. I’m just so happy to be here.
Tamsen: Yeah, me too. I turned 51 in December, and I feel the same way. I just feel really appreciative of being here. I lost my stepmom last year, too. So I’ve been spending a lot of time with my father. I’m so grateful he’s here, and I’m grateful that I’m able to appreciate him in a different way than I might have appreciated him, had I not lost my mother so many years ago.
Maryann: I want to just talk about your journalism career for a second. I remember reading Linda Ellerbee’s book, And So It Goes, when I was in high school and thinking, [TV news] is some crazy industry. But it also sounds like so much fun. So I applied to journalism school. What was your inspiration for becoming a journalist and specifically, entering the broadcast journalism realm?
Tamsen: My dad says I just always liked to talk and that my report cards [always pointed out that I] could never shut up. He just thinks it was as simple as that. You know, I really didn’t know what exactly what I wanted to do in school. I did take a radio course though, when I was at university. I’d gone from University of Houston to University of South Florida. And when I went into South Florida, I took a radio course and I just fell in love. I love telling stories. I love interviewing people, I love hearing people’s stories, seeing how they impacted other people. Radio was exciting to me, and that’s actually where I started my journalism career. I did radio, and then I did newspaper writing when I was in college. And then when I got out of college, I decided I was going to apply everywhere I could. I could probably wallpaper my walls with those rejection letters. I ended up interning at a television station in Tampa, Florida, where I worked with two different women who were incredible journalists…and taught me the importance of storytelling…and how it can impact lives…So that really set me on a path…I went from there to working at an all-news radio station…and then to my first broadcast TV job in Oak Hill, West Virginia…where I shot my own video and I did my own interviews and editing. And I anchored the news there eventually. And then I moved on to the next market. And I kept moving until I got to New York, which is where I’d always wanted to be. I had it on a…Well, I guess we didn’t have vision boards back then…but I had a piece of paper where I had listed all these markets. And I just circled them and crossed them out as as I got through them.
Maryann: You manifested your career.
Tamsen: I did, even though I didn’t know what that was, at the time. But it’s been an incredible journey. And now being here in New York all these years and, and New York is certainly home, and I love it. I love the city, the people. I love telling their stories. I host a segment called Changemakers every Monday night, and I get to tell stories of incredible people who are starting businesses or just changing the world. And I think that’s a really neat thing.
Maryann: I love New York too. I’m a native New Yorker, so my heart will always be there. But back to your career. You’ve won 12 Emmys. And you’ve covered so much during your tenure as a reporter. You’ve traveled to Afghanistan, for example. You’ve covered hurricanes and Space Shuttle disasters. Is there any one story that stands out as something that really made you change your perspective on life?
Tamsen: Oh, gosh, that’s a good question. I feel like every time I do something that’s just so touching, I’m like, this is the one, this is the story. Being in Afghanistan and covering Operation Enduring Freedom was a big deal, and very pivotal for me. I had never seen anything like that and had never been to a third world country, been in the middle of where our troops were defending our freedom and protecting people. That was a life-changing moment for me. There are also some stories I’ve done about people who have just accomplished things that have been so incredible. I interviewed a woman recently who’s legally blind, but she’s dancing every night on Broadway. That was just an amazing story of courage and heroism…that gave me perspective on what people can do and the fight that people have inside them to persevere.
Maryann: You once said that one of your career goals was to be an anchor after age 50. Well, congratulations, girl, you did it! But do you think the tides are turning for more mature females in this industry? Because age was always a boon for the boys, right?
Tamsen: Yeah, no question about that. You know, I do. I think there’s always going to be more that needs to be done. I get excited about the fact that I look around, and a lot of the women that I came up in this business alongside as my peers are on the air, and, you know, are doing it every day. And I think that’s super encouraging and exciting. And listen, I’ve told this story a few times: When I was in my mid 30s, I was in the market with a woman who was probably a few years older than me right now. She told me, look, once you get into your 40s, you better start thinking about another career because they don’t want you anymore…And I said, Oh my gosh, what now? What am I going to do? You know, I worked so hard to get here. And now how am I going to do this? So I did have this dialogue running in my head for a long time. Like, I can’t do that at 50, I’m not gonna have the energy for it, they’re not going to want me, I’m going to be too old, my options are gonna be limited. I mean, you name it, I had that dialogue going…You know, my stock’s gone down. But as I started inching toward this time of my life, instead I started seeing more examples of people who were doing incredible things at this age, [who were] were changing the world. They’re changing their story and rewriting the story or adding to their story. Instead of rewrite. I hate rewriting. They’re not necessarily reinventing themselves, but transitioning or transforming into this other person that they’ve always wanted to be. I got really encouraged and I feel that way right now. I hope the tides are are shifting, and I hope that we’re going to see this because I’ll tell you what, there are a lot of us over the age of 50 right now, and that’s pretty exciting to me.
Maryann: That’s right. And we have so much more depth, don’t we, at this age?
Tamsen: Yeah, we have experience, you know, and we’re not afraid to use our voices. And that’s an exciting part of it. And look, I think the intergenerational part of it’s exciting too. I think the younger generation has taught us it’s OK to use our voices, to not have to feel like we need to be perfect all the time, and not to have to feel like we have to hide or be shameful of something, I would have never in a million years thought that I would be talking about the fact that I’m 51, or the fact that I’m in menopause. I would have been mortified. If you told me I was going to do that 10 years ago, I would have [told you] you’re out of your mind. But you know, I think that this is a time when women are grabbing life and they’re feeling strong, and they’re moving forward. And I call it unlocking your bold. Like, we’ve always had it. When we were young, we were bold. But somewhere in between, I feel like I lost mine somewhere. I’ve talked to a lot of women that have two. And I’m excited to see us unlock that and move into this next chapter.
Maryann: That’s awesome. So you mentioned another beat you cover is Broadway, and you’re producing and hosting that show for the Broadway channel. I feel theater is the one place where age is respected. Do you agree?
Tamsen: I do. I just depends on the show and the place, but I do feel like you’re right. I do see a lot of people taking the stage alongside people that might be half their age. And that the respect is there for that experience. I love it. And I love the fact that all the artists work together, because they’re about telling the story. Again, storytelling, that’s how we learn. Right? I hope we see more and more of that inclusiveness on Broadway.
Maryann: Did I read somewhere that you were in the musical Chicago?
Tamsen: Oh, for a night? Don’t get too impressed. Yeah, I did a walk-on role because I had actually covered [the show]. And they asked me, do you want to see what it’s like to do it for a night? And I said yes. It was very cool. They taught me how to dance and sing and be a part of an ensemble. It was amazing. And what’s so funny about it is that I was so nervous because I could see [everyone in the audience’s] eyes. And when I’m on television, I just see the cameras that are in front of me, the lights are so bright and there are only a few people in the studio…So…I was stunned [by the Broadway experience]…I’ll never forget it.
Maryann: It’s not as easy as it looks, is it? I was once dragged onto a Broadway stage during a show called Fool Moon, starring Bill Irwin and David Shiner. And David Shiner plucked me out of the audience and dragged me on stage for a 15-minute segment. And when I protested, when I told him I was afraid to go up there, he mimed, “You’re gonna die up here and so am I if you don’t do this.” It was terrifying.
Tamsen: You’re right, though. It is terrifying. It’s just, it was nothing that I was even prepared for a little bit. But you know what, they were awesome. Like so professional. And they just brought me into the fold. And it was really special.
Maryann: I want to see you in more shows [laughs]. So, I want to mention that a few years after going through your divorce you wrote a book called The New Single: Finding, Fixing and Falling Back in Love With Yourself After a Breakup or Divorce. And you have since found love and gotten married again. What was your reason for writing the book at that time? And do you think it’s set you on a path for finding your new love?
Tamsen: That’s a good question. Um, it’s so funny. You know, on Single Awareness day every year I think about that book, because this is the first year that I’m not officially single. And you know, I wrote that book because I had never intended to read another book about dating and I definitely was really having a hard time with my divorce. I was embarrassed by it, ashamed by it, saddened by it—all those things. But I had to get out from under where I was, because it was the mental, it was the emotional, it was the financial. There were many actionable things [I needed] to do and and in a certain amount of time, and it was really had to be organized in my head. At the same time, I was going to work every day. And trying to pretend like nothing was wrong. But everything was wrong every time I came home at night. And so when I got out from under it a couple years later, I started writing down my thoughts about it. And I talked to a book editor who was going through a divorce at the same time. She said, you need to share some of this, like these are teachable moments…and you should talk about how you [went through] it. I was like, I don’t really have anything to share; I don’t even know if I’m OK. But I did it. I kept writing things down and figuring out how I went through it and got to that other side. And, you know, I went through a very public divorce, and I think people thought I was just going to bash my ex. But that wasn’t what it was about. It was really more about my steps. And what I did in 90-day increments to heal, and how I figured it out and moved forward and figured out how to like myself again. And I thought it was important to share. And I didn’t realize how important it was until I did a book tour across the country. And I stopped in a number of different cities, and just sat around with smaller groups…and talked to people…and listened to them…And it was really affirming to me that…it was my responsibility to do that book. I’m really proud of it. And I hope that it helped me find love again, I wasn’t looking for it, for sure. I was I was looking to not get hurt again, you know, but, that book was really about me trying to learn how to heal again, more than anything else. But I finally gave somebody a chance. And he was very, very patient, which, you know, I don’t know that most men would have been as patient as he was, with what what I put him through, but I’m sure happy [he was].
Maryann: Is there anything different about being in love now, as opposed to when you were younger?
Tamsen: Well, I think at this stage, I’m a lot more appreciative, you know. I’m a lot more appreciative of things that I probably would not have looked for in a partner when I was 20 something years old. I think that I look for a value system that matches mine right now. I think that I’m appreciative of the fact that respect is huge. I was able to lay all my cards out on the table, right? Because I wasn’t afraid of losing anything. I already lost the worst things I could ever lose in my life. I lost my mom. I lost my first marriage. And I felt like, wow, I’ve already been there. I know what it’s like. So I’m not going to be worried if this person is not for me, I’d rather know it now than to ignore what I call pink flags in the book: the things that we can kind of ignore and not pay attention to. And then realize on the other side that those are deal breakers. And so I was able to put it all out there on the line and say like, these are not going to work for me. So who are you and who am I? That was a really nice thing. My father told me that the first time I walked down the aisle I said to him, “Daddy, am I doing the right thing?”…This time, I didn’t ask him anything. I just told him I was in love and that I couldn’t be more excited. So I had no question about what the right decision was for me. And I think that comes with age. And I think that comes with the fact that I want these next however many years to be fun and exciting. And I know there are going to be difficulties right now. You know, his parents are very ill…and my stepmom recently passed. So I know we’re going to have those things that we deal with, but I feel like I know who I’m married to. And so I don’t have any question about that. And that’s a nice relief. You know, that’s that’s something to not have to worry about.
Maryann: Would you have any advice for women out there over 40 who maybe want to get back out there and find love but are hesitant?
Tamsen: I get asked that a lot. I think the most important thing, before even getting out there, is to make sure you know who you are. Make sure you love who you are, because if you don’t somebody else can’t. And then I think that that’s when you can become a victim of a lot of things…I also [suggest] being patient with whatever happens. A lot of times, we have these goals set up for us…I ran a matchmaking business for a while with my first husband, and [many of our women clients] would have these goals, like, I have to find somebody at this age, I have to have children by this age…And they would put such enormous pressure on themselves that oftentimes they would choose somebody that maybe wasn’t right for them, because they weren’t going in it for the right reasons. And that’s exactly what I did. At a certain age, I’d felt like I needed to get married, like I’d been on this career path for so long. Looking back in retrospect, I should have stayed on the career path…So I would say to first make sure you like and love yourself. And second, don’t be in such a rush. If you want to go on a dating app, that’s perfectly fine. That seems to be the way that so many people are finding success. But I would say don’t put all your eggs in one basket. So if you’re going to go out, or do a Zoom date with somebody, or you’re going to meet somebody, make it short—you know, a coffee or a drink. If that works out, then go out a second time for the dinner or spend that extra time. I don’t think you invest everything in one place. Because I think that also often leads to disappointment. And I think that if somebody wants to see you or be with you that next time, they’re gonna ask, or you’re gonna ask, and you’re gonna know what you’re looking for.
Maryann: So, baby steps. Take it slow.
Tamsen: I think so. Because I just think that that’s the only way that we know what somebody else’s motives are. Right?
Maryann: Yeah. So you mentioned the matchmaking business. You also appeared with your husband in the TV series Matched in Manhattan. Are you like this real life? Do you like setting up your friends and playing matchmaker?
Tamsen: I don’t do it anymore. I just I learned how difficult it is. I mean, if you’re gonna play with affairs of the heart, you better know what you’re doing. I think that it’s a little bit harder now than it used to be, because there are a lot of different ways we can go about meeting somebody and looking somebody up and finding out who somebody is. But I am all for love. And I do want people to find somebody, if that’s what they want to do. But I never want them to feel pressured to do it, you know. I never want to be that person that’s like, listen, you can’t be alone, so I’ve got to introduce you to somebody. Because I used to hear that all the time—”When are you going to get married?” And then as soon as I got married, it was, “When are you gonna have kids?” Then after I got divorced, “Are you gonna get married again?” So I’m like, well, this is where I’m at right now.
Maryann: There always seems to be one question like that after the next, when it comes to women.
Tamsen: What are you going to do next? I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I’m just going to live each day and be happy with today.
Maryann: I agree. So what are the projects you’re focused on right now? What’s coming up next for you?
Tamsen: I’ve been doing a lot of work on my YouTube channel, interviewing a lot of people who are in this space of age, of menopause. You know, I’m working on a media project [related to menopause], because I find that there’s not a lot of information out there about it. When I hit menopause, I hit the floor of the bathroom, here at work. That was a tough one for me, because I didn’t know what to expect. My mom had chemo at an early age, so she went into a medical menopause. So I didn’t know what to expect. I knew hot flashes, but that was it. So I’ve been doing a lot of talking about that. And a lot of talking about this age group, which is when you and I connected, I was so happy. You know, I’m so happy to know that there are other people talking and other people that want to see change, and that want to see people move forward and advance at this age, because I think it’s exciting. And I think the more voices that we have out there, the stronger we’re all going to be together.
Maryann: Yeah. And I think we talked earlier about the fact that there is really this growing a market for women this age. And it seems interesting to me that in Great Britain and in some other countries, there are so many more resources for women this age. There are menopause coaches and menopause trainers who come into corporations and educate people? Why are we so behind in the U.S.?
Tamsen: It’s an interesting question. I’ve asked people and I’ve gotten a lot of different answers. But you know, what somebody was telling me is that in the UK there are different ways that they can do the rules, laws and legislation versus how it can be done in the U.S. And so I thought that that was interesting, and I actually have a conversation coming up to do an interview about it because I was fascinated by the fact that the UK is very advanced in terms of menopause support. I’m excited and encouraged by the fact that I see so many more people out there online talking about this topic. Look, I didn’t even know how many [menopause] symptoms there were, I didn’t know anything. And estrogen was always a really scary thing for me because of my mom. And, you know, little did I know, I learned more about this 2002 study where I had a lot of misconceptions about [hormone replacement therapy], versus you know, what I’ve since learned. I had a lot of problems going through [menopause]. I had depression, I had anxiety, I had [symptoms] that so many women go through but we’re scared to talk about. So yeah, the UK is very advanced in terms of what they’re doing. But I’m encouraged by the fact that there are so many companies here in the US that are are seeing that and following suit. So I’m excited to see the changes that the next 24 months bring around.
Maryann: I’m so sorry you had to deal with all that.
Tamsen: I’m sorry many women are. But I’m kind of glad I did, because if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be talking about it now.
Maryann: That’s true. But I have friends who say they go to their doctor and ask questions, and they’re given a pamphlet. Sometimes not even your OB-GYN has all the answers.
Tamsen: Yeah, it was interesting, I learned a little bit about how much doctors are trained [about menopause] in in medical school. And it was not a very specified area for a very, very long time. Now, the North American Menopause Society (NAMS) has a list on their website where you can find different midlife practitioners that [specialize in the health of women in our age group]. So I think that there’s some encouragement with that. They’re dealing with these specific problems. So if you come to them saying, I have brain fog, I’m moody, I’m bleeding irregularly, or I’m bloated, they might not just say, take an antacid and an antidepressant and call us in the morning. You know, there are 34 symptoms of menopause. There are blood tests that can be done to figure out what your hormone levels are. I mean, I thought we’d gotten rid of hormones a long time ago and dealt with this a long time ago. But we’re not done yet.
Maryann: There are 34 symptoms? Really, 34?!
Tamsen: Yes, isn’t that crazy?
Maryann: Some of them are crossover symptoms, right? Like headaches? They can be caused by menopause or a variety of other things, and it’s sometimes hard to know.
Tamsen: Yeah, therein lies the test for your hormones [laughs]. I didn’t even know what perimenopause was. I didn’t know that menopause was just one day, [the day you’ve gone without a period for an entire year]. Then you’re postmenopausal. I can’t wait for all these things to be [universally known]. And I think we’re gonna come to that. But it takes time. It takes time to educate, and it takes voices like yours, you know, to get those messages out there.
Maryann: Well, I thank you for all you’re doing. Is there anything else you feel like we need to get out there right now?
Tamsen: You know what, I’d love to just keep having the conversation. If there’s anything I can do to help or people have stories as menopause stories in particular, I’m looking for some of those right now. So I’d like to hear what people are dealing with. So I can make sure that I give the give them the right answers over on my YouTube channel. And if you’re if your audience wants a download, I have a free downloadable on my website called “Five Ways to Unlock Your Bold,” because those are the things that kind of worked for me.
Maryann: Thank you so much for being here. I know how busy you are, so I really appreciate your chatting with me.
Tamsen: It was nice to connect with you again. I love when we talked the first time and I’m so happy to be here, thank you.
Maryann: Thank you so much for listening to More Beautiful. Please visit Morebeautifulpodcast.com for show notes and bonus content. And it would mean so much if you could subscribe, rate and leave a review on Apple podcasts or wherever you’re listening. See you next week for another great conversation!
